Catholic Dating: Fear of rejection

So, earlier today I wrote that I wanted to resurrect the abandoned blog series I began last year. I wanted to finally return to address the question I’ve so often heard asked about Catholic guys: why do they seem so averse to asking girls out on dates?

I would suggest that the main reason is simply fear of rejection.

It’s a pretty basic answer, but I think that this is all-too-often the reason why the Catholic guys I know haven’t dated more. This reason applies to non-Catholic men as well, of course, but I think there are some uniquely complicating factors for Catholics and I’ll talk about those in a bit.

Living Dangerously

Asking someone out is not exactly a stress-free activity. It involves risk. It involves “putting yourself out there” and risking  rejection. Sometimes that rejection can be swift and direct (“Sorry, but no thank you”), sometimes laced with platitudes (“You’re really special, but I think of you as more of a brother”) and sometimes you’ll just be ignored. However, in the mind of a guy there is always the irrational fear that it’d be cold and brutal (“You want to go on a date? Ewh! Ewh! Get away from me!”).

This fear of being shot-down is very real for a lot of guys, particularly those of the more sensitive variety. The lack of confidence and fear of rejection can lead to a paralyzing insecurity.

rejection

Asking someone out requires courage and willingness to be vulnerable, but I think there are two complicating factors which are unique for Christian men… Read more

New Podcast: Catholic Bytes

My friend Joe is studying at the North American College in Rome, where he’s surrounded by brilliant English-speaking Catholics from around the globe: classmates, professors, and various luminaries who pass through their halls while doing more important things. Together with some of his classmates, they’ve decided to take advantage of this fact and create a regular Catholic podcast: interviewing experts in liturgy, theology, Church history, and several other fields.

The result is Catholic Bytes podcast (CatholicBytesPodcast.com): it’s designed to be frequent (once or twice a week), short (under 10 minutes), clear (we’ve got multiple reviewers doing quality control), and orthodox. Oh, and the first episode got released today…enjoy 🙂

Servant Leadership

The notion of leadership recently came up in discussion and the question was asked: What qualities make for a good leader?

If you go into a secular bookshop today you will find a large number of books which attempt to explain what it is you have to do in order to become a great leader.

In recent years, Christian bookshop shelves too have started to be filled with an increasingly large number of books which try to turn their readers into leaders by explaining the “eight key leadership principles” or the “five simple steps”, etc.

Like Father, Like Son…

The first passage of Scripture which comes to my mind when someone mentions to me the word “leadership” is from the Old Testament book of 1st Kings.  In this passage, King Solomon has just died and his son Rehoboam has ascended to the Throne of David.

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Introduction to Islam (Part 2 of 5: Revelation)

In yesterday’s blog post I began a brief introduction to Islam.  I focussed primarily on the founding of Islam and Muhammad.

Today I would like to look at the divine revelation which Islam claims to have received, which is found principally in the Qur’an/Koran.

As I said yesterday, I have done my best to ensure factual accuracy in all these posts and have used Islamic sources as much as possible to ensure that I’m not propagating Christian misconceptions of Islam.  I did send this to some Muslim friends for comment, but I have yet to hear back. If you are a follower of Islam and believe that I have misrepresented your religion, please drop me an email and I will remedy the situation.

The Qur’an

As mentioned in my previous post, the Qur’an (literally, “the recitation”) is a compilation of the messages given to Muhammad.

Christians and Muslims understand the concept of scripture differently.  Christians describe the Bible, in the words of St. Paul, as being “God breathed” (theopneustos).  As Dei Verbum explains:

“In composing the sacred books, God chose men and while employed by Him they made use of their powers and abilities, so that with Him acting in them and through them, they, as true authors, consigned to writing everything and only those things which He wanted” – Dei Verbum, Chapter 3

Muslims, on the other hand, view the Qur’an as the word of God in the most literal sense, believing that the text bears no imprint of the writer’s character whatsoever. Rather, they believe that the Qur’an is the literal word of God, dictated to Muhammad, written down verbatim.

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Quick Apology: “Better than back-alley abortions”

Today I would like to continue this pro-life blog series by briefly responding to something which is regularly brought up during discussions on abortion.

Objection

I have often heard it said, even by people who think that abortion is terrible and wrong, that they would prefer to see abortion remain legal for fear that, if it were made illegal, it would just drive the abortion industry underground:

“I think abortion is wrong, but I think it’s much better to keep it legal so that we can make it as safe as possible”

On the Internet, this is often expressed in images such as this:

Never-Going-Back

Of course, whenever a person says he doesn’t like abortion but still wants to keep it legal, a really good starting place to begin the discussion is to ask him first why he don’t like abortion… But does the logic presented here stand up to scrutiny? Is it better for abortion to be legal and regulated?

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The Baggage of Sola Scriptura

wpf087e6e3_06Today we have a guest post from Tom Massoth, the father-in-law of my friend John, who will also soon be a guest poster here at Restless Pilgrim.

Tom and his wife of 39 years, Michele, reside in Yorba Linda, CA where they raised their two daughters Lisa and Jennifer. Now blessed with four perfect grandchildren, this retired Boeing engineer dedicates his time to God, family and friends, and various time-gobbling hobbies such as cycling. He is also a a Certified Flight Instructor in both airplanes and gliders. 

Tom has a love of Scripture and is a student of Church history and the early development of Christian doctrines. His particular interest lies in presenting the fullness of the Catholic faith in simple and easy-to-understand terms to Catholics and non-Catholics alike. He prays for a more unified Christian faith in the world and sees open honest dialog as the key to spreading the Good News.

Here is what Tom has to say on the subject of Sola Scriptura…

Following apologetic debates on various internet blogs is usually interesting, sometimes entertaining and often very frustrating. The exchanges start with the initial blog entry that posits a position favored by the author, which invariably includes historical evidence, perhaps quotations from the writings of Church fathers and of course verses from Holy Scripture that are offered as proof of point in question.

The comment boxes then fill in reaction using the same general modus operandi: “Great Point!” leads the pack. “Ridiculous Point!” soon follows. Still another says “Ref. Romans X: Y-Z and you’ll see the real truth and proof of your foolish conclusions!” Another commenter counters with “Hey, this is so easy, just read 1 Cor A: B, which of course refers to Psalm ##, which was foreseen by Jeremiah L: MN-OP.” the beat goes on, and the beat goes on.

The most frustrating scenario, however, is a case when people holding opposing views on a particular topic offer the exact same Bible verse as proof to support their position! We then have two differing viewpoints, both claiming the inspired Word of God as proof of their positions. We know that the Bible cannot contradict itself; so where do we go from here?

Now, I’m not a member of clergy, nor a trained theologian or Bible scholar, but it doesn’t take an expert to see that something is terribly wrong with the way we are attempting to discover and embrace God’s revealed truth. Jumping from proof text to proof text, trying to understand the position, arguments and supporting evidence, it soon becomes apparent that the Bible per se is no longer at the core of the controversies. It was people themselves that had somehow replaced the single truth of God’s Word.

A battle cry of the Protestant Reformation was the idea of Sola Scriptura, i.e. that the Bible and the Bible alone stands as the sole revelation of God’s truth to mankind. I fully accept the Bible as the inspired Word of God, so at a certain level I agree with the spirit of Sola Scripture. That said, for any premise like Sola Scriptura, we must not only understand the basic concept, we must also peel back the layers to see what other conclusions necessarily come along as an implied attachment.

To that end, I would like to discuss a thought experiment that began with a definition of Sola Scriptura, which continued through some intermediate observations and ended with a most unexpected conclusion…

Consequences

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Mere Christianity – Book III – Chapter 10 (“Hope”)

Book-3

Picking back up my notes for C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”…

Notes & Quotes

1. Hope is not wishful thinking

“Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do”

2. It does not mean we can abdicate from our earthly responsibilities

“It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is. If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. The Apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English Evangelicals who abolished the Slave Trade, all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven”

3. We often don’t want Heaven

Most of us find it very difficult to want “Heaven” at all-except in so far as “Heaven” means meeting again our friends who have died.

(a) …usually because we’re too focussed on this world…

“One reason for this difficulty is that we have not been trained: our whole education tends to fix our minds on this world. Another reason is that when the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognise it”

(b) …even when this world should be pointing us to the next…

“There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality. I think everyone knows what I mean”

We can respond to this in three different ways:

(i) Blame those things

“He puts the blame on the things themselves. He goes on all his life thinking that if only he tried another woman, or went for a more expensive holiday, or whatever it is, then, this time, he really would catch the mysterious something we are all after. Most of the bored, discontented, rich people in the world are of this type”

(ii) Become disillusioned

“He soon decides that the whole thing was moonshine… And so he settles down and learns not to expect too much and represses”

(A) Which would be great if man did not live for ever

“But supposing infinite happiness really is there, waiting for us? Supposing one really can reach the rainbow’s end?”

(B) …but not if man lives forever

“In that case it would be a pity to find out too late (a moment after death) that by our supposed ‘common sense’ we had stifled in ourselves the faculty of enjoying it”

(iii) The Christian Way

“Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.”

4. We shouldn’t interpret the descriptions of Heaven overly-literally

“There is no need to be worried by facetious people who try to make the Christian hope of ‘Heaven’ ridiculous by saying they do not want ‘to spend eternity playing harps.’ The answer to such people is that if they cannot understand books written for grown-ups, they should not talk about them… People who take these symbols literally might as well think that when Christ told us to be like doves, He meant that we were to lay eggs”

(a) They symbolic

“All the scriptural imagery (harps, crowns, gold, etc.) is, of course, a merely symbolical attempt to express the inexpressible. Musical instruments are mentioned because for many people (not all) music is the thing known in the present life which most strongly suggests ecstasy and infinity. Crowns are mentioned to suggest the fact that those who are united with God in eternity share His splendour and power and joy. Gold is mentioned to suggest the timelessness of Heaven (gold does not rust) and the preciousness of it”

Discussion Questions

1. What is hope?

2. Does the belief in Heaven mean that we can ignore earth?

3. Why do we sometimes struggle to desire Heaven?

4. In what way does this world point to Heaven? How do people respond to this?

5. Why should we not interpret Heaven’s descriptions in the Bible?

C.S. Lewis Doodle

No doodle!

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