Why the Byzantine Liturgy is great For kids…

This past week, a friend of mine visited my Byzantine Catholic parish. Afterwards, she admitted that she had been rather apprehensive about how her small child was going to react to the whole experience. After all, she knew that the Byzantine Liturgy was typically ninety minutes long, rather than the forty-five minute Mass which her son had previously been used to experiencing.

Even though I have no children of my own, I offered the somewhat counter-intuitive claim that the Byzantine Liturgy is in some ways better suited to children than a Novus Ordo or Tridentine Mass. A bold claim, I know, but I stand by it! So, here are my top ten reasons why I think the Byzantine Liturgy is great if you have small children…

Reason #1: No long silences

Times of extended silence at church are wonderful. They give you time to calm your mind, find rest your soul and contemplate God. Of course, if you’re a parent, these are also inevitably the times during which your toddler either has a meltdown or loudly announces to the congregation that he’s just done a big poo… Fortunately, in the Byzantine Liturgy there are far fewer moments of silence in which this can happen – our constant singing will cover up a lot!

Reason #2: Rarely a dull moment

Related to the first reason, it’s worth pointing out that there’s rarely a dull moment in the Byzantine Liturgy. It is highly immersive, full of sensory experiences, making it well-suited for children as well as adults. As mentioned above, we are almost always singing. Not only that, the sanctuary is full of colour. The various gates on the icon screen will open and close. We stand. We sit. We bow. We make the sign of the cross. Objects are incensed and anointed. There are processions inside the church by the clergy and altar servers. Sometimes even the entire congregation processes around the exterior of the church! There are icons to kiss and candles to light. It’s not unusual to see parents taking their children to light a candle even during the prayers and nobody bats an eyelid. At the conclusion of the Liturgy, the congregation often receive blessed bread (“Antideron”) and are anointed with oil on their foreheads. So, as Liturgies go, ours is pretty action-packed even if you’re not an altar server, giving the kids lots to see and experience.

Reason #3: Big families

Just the other day on Twitter, I saw a chap complaining about noisy children on planes. He said,“You decide to have them, you deal with it alone, at home, and don’t travel until they’re capable of it without trouble”. I asked him if he had kids…he said no. I asked him if he’d done any baby sitting…he said no. Unsurprised by these answers, I suggested to him that perhaps he should actually spend some time looking after children before begin quite so ready to criticise parents…

This isn't a question of why the kids cry. We understand why they cry. Forcing the rest of us to deal with it is unfair and inconsiderate. You decide to have them, you deal with it alone, at home, and don't travel until they're capable of it without trouble.

— Joe Piscopo (@Joe_MLB_MAN) July 15, 2019

Unfortunately, I’ve even encountered folks with this kind of attitude at Catholic parishes. I’ve known lots of parents who have had parishioners come over and “suggest” that they go to the “cry room” (more on that later). I’ve even known some friends who have been publicly scolded by strangers!

Fortunately, at least at the Byzantine parishes I’ve attended, it’s not unusual to see large families. This means that, if your two-year old is being a bit of a terror, the congregation empathises and is on your side. They know that kids can sometimes be fussy, get restless or misbehave…particularly during the “terrible twos”. It also means that those in the pews around you will be much more likely to pitch in and help if necessary. At both of the Byzantine parishes I’ve attended, it’s not unusual to see kids passed around between parishioners from different families!

Another additional benefit of having large families at parishes is that your kids will most likely find other children of similar age with whom they can play.

Reason #4: No cry room!

Speaking of the cry room, you won’t find one in a Byzantine Church. There’s no segregation in our churches between the parishioners with small children and those without.

Reason #5: Smaller building

Eastern Rite parishes typically have smaller congregations than most Latin Rite parishes. This means that the church building itself will probably be smaller. This has two advantages:

(a) Since it is smaller, your child will more easily see the action of the Liturgy, reducing (although certainly not excluding!) the likelihood of boredom.

(b) It also means that you’ll be able to quickly scoop up Junior and get out to the Narthex quickly if he starts having a nuclear melt-down!

Reason #6: Married clergy

In the Byzantine Church we have married clergy, which means that your Pastor could well be a biological father, as well as a spiritual one. As a result, he’ll be intimately acquainted with a small child’s ability to create chaos, despite your heroic efforts.

Reason #7: A different kind of Children’s Liturgy

In the Byzantine Church, there are some common conventions which offer really nice moments in the liturgy where children play a unique role. If you visit a Byzantine parish, you may see some of the following:

(a) When it comes time to read the Gospel, all the kids are invited to walk up to the front of the church and gather around the priest as he proclaims the Gospel. Not only will they get to see everything up close, it sends a very clear message that children are important participants in the Liturgy.

(b) As the priest walks down the aisle with the Gospel book and later with the bread and wine, children are encouraged to reach out and touch his vestments as he walks past. It’s rather delightful seeing the kids getting excited as they see their pastor approaching.

(c) On the “Sunday of Orthodoxy”, when we celebrate the reestablishment of icons, children will often process into the church with their icons from home.

(d) During the Easter/Paschal Season, we sing a song about Christ “trampling death by death“. Although I know not everyone likes it, it’s not unusual at this point for all the children to stomp their feet. Personally, I find it rather hard not to grin when this happens.

Reason #8: Picture books on the walls

Rather than statues, we like to cover every square inch of our church walls with icons. The church is inadvertently providing you with a picture book for your children! You will often see a parent pick up a fussing kid and walk over to the side of the church and talk to their child about the Saint or Gospel scene depicted on the wall.

Reason #9: Always eating at the family table

The Eastern Rites of the Church retain the more ancient ordering of the Sacraments of Initiation, namely Baptism, Confirmation/Chrismation, and then Eucharist. Not only that, all of these Sacraments are administered at the same time. This means that your child will receive all the Sacraments of Initiation as a baby. By receiving all the sacraments as an infant, it means that your child will begin receiving Jesus in the Eucharist from the first weeks of his or her life.

Reason #10: Eastern Catholic Formation

I have been involved with Latin Rite parishes most of my life and have seen how Confirmation is often incorrectly regarded as a kind of Catholic bar mitzvah, a sort of graduation after which the children think that, since they have “got” their Sacraments, they no longer need to go to church. However, because Eastern Rite Catholics receive Confirmation/Chrismation as a baby, this dynamic isn’t present in our parishes. Additionally, at least in the parishes I’ve attended, children receive catechesis right up until the point at which they leave High School, hopefully offering them a more thorough preparation for adult life.

Having said all that, I have to say that I think children receive the majority of their religious formation during the Liturgy itself. I can’t think of a better way to end this post than by quoting something which a Byzantine dad recently wrote to me:

“I’m biased, but I love the experiences and interaction my children get to have through the liturgical services.

Holy Saturday my two-year-old was telling me how Jesus died and was in the tomb after she went to Good Friday vespers and walked in procession entering the church by stepping under the icon of Christ before He is laid in burial in church. Driving home Thomas Sunday I got to hear reprises of “Christ is Risen” from my three-year-old.

Every Sunday there are about five or six instances where the children get to touch, feel and interact with the liturgy which helps them take interest and focus on the liturgy. I think many of us are also just big kids, and the interaction with the liturgy helps me to personalize not only my Sunday worship experience but also my relationship with my Savior”

A Byzantine Dad

So, if you’ve got young kids and you’re in the area, don’t be afraid to check out your local Byzantine parish!

If anyone reading this goes to a Tridentine or Ordinariate Mass, I’d love it if you’d write a version of this article for that liturgical form!