Soul Mates?
As a follow-up to my catholic dating series, I’d invite you to read this post by Hannah from The Art In Life entitled “My husband is not my soul mate” as some food for thought and discussion:
"We are travellers…not yet in our native land" – St. Augustine
As a follow-up to my catholic dating series, I’d invite you to read this post by Hannah from The Art In Life entitled “My husband is not my soul mate” as some food for thought and discussion:
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This article seriously grinds my gears!
😀
On Facebook, somebody mentioned this post in passing and so I wrote a brief response on my wall. Here it is:
I had actually hoped people would pick up that “soulmate” article and that it would generate some lively discussion but unfortunately it didn’t
When I read the article I found myself cheering at various points. I’ve been in evangelical circles and Catholic circles that dearly need to hear that message, particularly when it comes to abusing texts of Scripture which turn God into nothing more than a magic genie Who gives me everything I want.
I’m done with writing about relationships for a bit (I can only talk about “feelings” for so long), but my summary is that I think that this is a both-and situation.
(a) There is an interplay between predestination and free will which is never easy to deal with. God is outside time and knows all things so he therefore knows who I’m going to marry (assuming I get married at all). However, I would say that there is an abuse of this idea which can lead to another kind of Analysis Paralysis which is based upon the idea that I am only “meant for” one perfect person out of the 7 billion inhabitants of earth.
(b) In the Sacrament of Marriage, the two become one and this is a great mystery. However, there is a twisted and perverted version of this which renders me incomplete until I meet and marry that person. That’s not only bad theology, but it also assumes that it is God’s will for me to be married. It also leads to the equally dangerous idea that my spouse will “complete me”. This will most likely lead to unrealistic expectations on the spouse, but it also nudges him/her into the position which only God should hold.
I’ll end with the example of St. Monica, since it was recently her feast day. He didn’t treat her well and was unfaithful to her. However, it was through his marriage to her that he converted to Christianity and I would argue that his cruelty brought about within her a greater holiness (James 1:2-4). And of course, it was through this union that God gifted the world with St. Augustine arguably the greatest Early Church Father of the West. Was her husband her “soulmate”?
Here’s a few extracts from a Facebook chat I subsequently had with one of my friends:
Some of the language you use points to one of my concerns about the language of “soulmates”. You said that God has “…created for us the perfect spouse…”. What exactly is “perfect”? Now, although you may not mean it in this way, many people will be thinking that God checked their journal and assembled the guy who ticks all the boxes: 6ft, blonde hair, no facial hair, can play the guitar, works in pediatrics etc. There’s a line of thinking here that doesn’t lead to good places.
I’d invite you to consider again St. Monica. Was Patricius her soulmate? The reason you’re reticent about answering that question is the reason I don’t like the term “soulmate”.
I can understand your objection that [denying the idea of soulmates] creates the idea that marriage is just random [and devoid of God’s involvement]. However, from my point of view, it puts emphasis on careful discernment and moves us away from fatalism.
I don’t know too much about your faith background, but maybe I (and many other people, given the number of comments on her blog) connect with this [article] because we’ve seen how badly the “soulmate” idea has played out in communities of which we’ve been a part: (a) seeking the “perfect” spouse (b) Expecting married life to therefore be “perfect” (c) being incomplete until marriage (d) seeking fulfillment from the spouse which only God can give.
I’m not attacking the sovereignty of God here and I’m certainly not against romance (the number of romantic comedies in my DVD collection can prove that), I’m simply emphasizing that, as great a mystery the union of marriage is, our souls are meant for Heaven, for God. I believe this is why Jesus speaks of there being no marriage in Heaven, since the beautiful sign [of marriage] will have finally given way to the full reality.
A few days later, The Divine Matchmaker was posted on Aleteia which echoed some of these thoughts.