Girls have blogs too!
My friend Anh over at Mod31 has posted a reply to my series on Catholic dating. In her response she summarizes each of my posts to date(!) and adds some of her own commentary. Go read it here:
Tag: Catholic Dating
Catholic Dating: “Discernment”
Before we get to the subject of today’s post, I wanted to say that I can tell from the site statistics and the conversations I’ve had over the last couple of weeks that a lot of people have been reading these posts. I would like to thank everyone for taking the time out to read this Englishman’s musings on a rather delicate subject.
Additionally, I would just like to encourage everyone to give their two cents in the Comment Box at the end of each article. You don’t have to use your real name or email address if you’d prefer to remain anonymous. It’s perfectly acceptable to submit comments under the name of “Balaam’s Donkey” or with an email address of papa_francis@gmail.com…
It was my hope that publishing this series would spark some much-needed open discussion among our community. I know that conversations certainly have been going on among different groups, but I’d invite everyone to make use of the Comment Box since, if you share your perspective here, you’ll get to enlighten the entire world (wide web)!
“Hey guys, look! A new post at RestlessPilgrim.net!”
So, now that’s been said, let’s get underway with today’s subject. Today will be a short post about another potential cause for confusion in the Catholic dating scene and a reason why guys might sometimes refrain from asking out the lady folk. It is a uniquely Catholic issue, the question of “discernment”.
Catholic Dating: “Pursuit”
Today’s post may be somewhat controversial, but I’d like to talk about this particular topic because it was an aspect of dating which most infuriated me in my early twenties.
In an earlier post, I spoke about a counterfeit, passive masculinity which one often finds within Christianity. However, thanks to writers such John Elridge and Jason Evert, there has been a growing shift with regards to the expected behaviour of men within the Church.
As a result, the ladies are encouraged to expect a lot more from the guys. Courageous valour, rather than niceness is the order of the day. Related to this, you hear constant mention of one word in particular, “pursuit”.
Today I would like to address some of the potential hazards with the idea of pursuit and suggest what can be done to safeguard against them.
Catholic Dating: Analysis Paralysis
This post will be a little longer than usual. Today I will be closing the series by offering some final thoughts on some of the issues I see within the Catholic dating world.
Why is it that there don’t seem to be many Catholic couples dating and, by extension, why is the number of couples receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony plummeting?
As I’ve mentioned before, there are many different, complicated explanations as to why this is so, but today I would like to focus on the subject of analysis paralysis, as well as our attitude towards dating and courtship.
Getting that date: Five suggestions
So, a while back I wrote a series of posts on the subject of dating which turned out to be rather popular. People clearly love to read and talk about relationships! At the end of the series, several of my friends asked me if I would be writing more entries, but I told them that I’d already said everything I had to share on the subject.
Well…it turns out that I was wrong, because here I am, a year later, writing another post on the subject of dating. A while back, I had a friend of mine message me and say “I wanna ask someone out. Any ideas for a date and how should I ask her out?” Clearly, word had got around that I now have a beautiful girlfriend and this qualifies me to answer a question of this magnitude!
Seriously though, as I wrote in an earlier article, Catholic guys are generally pretty terrible at asking girls out, so I think it’s worth publishing the answer I gave my friend. Not everyone will agree with what I have to say, but that’s fine, please leave a message in the comment box.
Now, I have not always followed the suggestions I am about to give below, but I wish I had. My advice represents the solution to some of the different kinds of mistakes I’ve made in the past… 🙂
Catholic Dating: Should I date a non-Catholic? (Part 1)
It has been quite some time since I wrote my series on Catholic dating. Those articles were certainly among the more popular here at Restless Pilgrim. The subject matter of those posts generated considerable discussion in my local Catholic community of San Diego, which pleased me no end since this was my main goal in writing them in the first place. The fact that it was also an extremely cathartic writing experience was just an added bonus! 😉
During the intervening three years since writing that series, my own love life has been, to put it mildly, anything but dull. Despite this, I’ve never felt inclined to write further on the subject of dating. That is, until now…
Over the past few months one particular question concerning dating has come up again and again, particularly as my thoughtful friends attempt to marry me off and enlist me in the ranks of the blissfully domesticated. The question has been “Hey David, what do you think about dating a non-Catholic?”
Catholic Dating: Should I date a non-Catholic? (Part 2)
Today is the concluding part of yesterday’s article, “Should I date a non-Catholic?”. In the previous post, I explained that this is a question I’ve heard often in Catholic circles and I shared a little bit about my own experience of dating non-Catholics. We spoke about the reason for dating and concluded that its purpose is ultimately marriage. Therefore, when we speak about dating a non-Catholic, we should really talk about marrying a non-Catholic, since this is ultimately the point of dating someone.
We ended the previous post by looking at what the Catechism has to say on the subject of marriages to non-Catholics. We read that the Catholic Church does allow marriages to non-Catholics, but cautions Her children not to underestimate the difficulties involved in this kind of union. In today’s concluding post, I would like to discuss in more detail the potential areas of difficulty alluded to by the Catechism and then offer some concluding thoughts.
Practical Considerations
Since this two-part series focuses primarily on dating a Protestant, it is good to emphasize how much we share with our Protestant brethren. A couple composed of a Catholic and Protestant will have much in common, as did I with my former girlfriend whom I mentioned in yesterday’s post.
Having said that, when discussing this subject with friends, I find it helpful to ask questions about three areas of potential conflict:
1. The Wedding
Who will marry you? Will it be a Catholic priest or will it be another kind of minister? Will you get married in a Catholic Church or will you seek dispensation to marry in some other denomination’s building? How will your respective families react to this?
Who will teach your marriage preparation classes? What will be the content of that formation? Not all views of marriage are the same. For example, the Catholic Church’s teaching is that marriage is indissoluble. Will this be taught during your class?
2. Religious Practice
Where, as a couple, will you go to church? Catholics are required to attend Mass each week. In an effort to accommodate this, will you go to a Catholic parish together?
Or, will you attempt to go to both a Catholic Mass and a Protestant service each week? I speak from experience when I say that this can quickly become exhausting!
Or, will you fulfill your obligation by going to the Saturday Vigil Mass alone? Are you okay with that?
Is the subject of religion taboo with your potential spouse? Is it a regular source of conflict? Are you supportive of one another’s religious practices? Are you leading each other towards holiness?
When spiritual issues arise, to whom will you turn as a couple?
3. Children and family life
Will your potential spouse be open to life, or will he want to contracept? If it is suspected that your unborn child has Down Syndrome, for example, will he urge you to abort the child?
When seeking permission to marry a non-Catholic, you and your fiancé will be told that you are required by the Church to make sure that any offspring from the marriage are to be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church. Will you and your spouse do this? Or will your children be dedicated, rather than baptized? Will you teach them the Catholic Faith in its fullness, or will they be taught the lowest common denominator between your respective faiths? How will you respond when your children ask questions about the differences between the teaching of the Catholic Church and your spouse’s denomination?
An ex-girlfriend of mine had an interesting take on the subject of children. She would ask herself if she felt confident, in the unfortunate case of her early death, whether her husband would raise her children as she would desire.