"We are travellers…not yet in our native land" – St. Augustine
Yesterday was the end of the Hanukkah/Chanukah, the eight-day Jewish “Festival of Lights” which commemorates the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after the Maccabean revolt. I thought it therefore appropriate to share with you this little gem for this week’s Friday Frivolity:
Thanks Wallmart…
No video this week, just a little joke…
A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated, calling out, “Is there a Catholic priest on board?”
When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, “Is there an Anglican priest on board?” Still no reply.
By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train shouting, “Is there a Rabbi on board?”
Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, “Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I’m a Methodist minister”
The man looked at him and said, “No, you’re no good to me! I need a corkscrew!”
The relationship between “The Simpsons” and religion has always been a rather interesting one. There was a bit of a hoopla in the press and blogsophere recently when an article in the Vatican newsletter, L’Osservatore Romano, had the headline “Homer and Bart are Catholics”. It was a silly piece which caused, in my opinion, a lot of fuss about nothing.
Having said that, the article was in reference to an analysis done by a certain Fr. Francesco Occhetta which concerned one of my favourite Simpsons episodes: “The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star”, where Homer and Bart come into contact with the Catholic Church. So, for this week’s “Friday Fivolity”, here are some of my favourite quotations from that episode…
Marge: “All of that standing, sitting and kneeling…It’s like ‘Simon Says’ without a winner!”
Marge:“Catholics can be a peculiar bunch. No birth control, no meat on Friday…”
Homer:“No MEAT?! What do they eat, light bulbs?!”
Homer:“Face it, Marge. Catholics rule! We got Boston, South America, the good part of Ireland, and we’re makin’ serious inroads in Mozambique, baby!”
Marge:“Homer, you’ve been gone all night—and you look like you accepted someone as your personal something. Were you at that Catholic Church?”
Homer:“Look, I know I was supposed to yell at that priest, but he’s so cool! He plays drums in a band with a bunch of other priests!”
Marge:“I knew they’d try to convert you! That’s what they do! Well, I’m not having another twelve kids.”
Homer:“Marge, no one’s saying twelve. Nine, ten, tops!” (Gets out a pamphlet entitled ‘Plop ’til You Drop’)
Bart:“This is a Catholic church. Chicks got no authority here”
Bart:“Don’t you get it? It’s all Christianity, people! The little, stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!”
Homer: (after finishing confession) “Woo-hoo, I’m clean! In your face, Lord!“
Fr. Sean:“Not yet, Mr. Simpson. I can only absolve you if you’re a Catholic”
Homer:“Uh-huh. And how do I join? Do I whale on some Unitarians?”
Fr. Sean:“Well, it’s a little harder than that. It starts with looking deep inside yourself…” (Homer groans) “But it ends with bread and wine”
Homer:“Woo-hoo!”
A slight “oopsie” when they had Ned, an Evangelical, praying before the statue of a Saint…
I hope you enjoy. Now, since it’s Friday, I’m off to go and eat some light bulbs… [wave]
UPDATE 01-Feb-2021:
I know I missed the Friday Frivolity last week, so I thought I’d provide a belated post: The Bible In A Minute:
A few weeks ago I compiled the list of “Top Twenty Catholic Pick-up Lines” (Part 1, Part 2). Did you wonder what it might be like if somebody incorporated them into a song? Well, wonder no more! Thanks to Jenna for bringing this video to my attention.
(The song begins about about the 1:10 mark)
As I was watching this I realized that a lot of these lines aren’t new, they’ve been used at least since ever there was a Romeo and a Juliet…
Romeo: “If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss”
Juliet: “Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss”
Romeo: “Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?”
Juliet: “Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer”
Romeo: “O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair”
Juliet: “Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake”
Romeo: “Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged…”
[kissing noises]
“All you beasts, wild and tame, bless the Lord; praise and exalt him above all forever” – Daniel 3:81
If this doesn’t make cringe, there’s something wrong with you…