Is it unloving to speak out against abortion?

Those who are pro-choice will often chastise those who are pro-life for “judging women who have abortions” and “failing to love them”. Today I’d like to look at the substance of these charges. Is that true? Is it unloving to speak out against abortion?

Authentic Love

There is an awfully common idea out there that, if you love someone, you must automatically approve, or at the very least, not disapprove of that person’s beliefs or actions. All this is presented in the name of “love”. However, I would suggest that this is false advertising. I would assert that this is not love, but its counterfeit.

Real, authentic love is, to quote St. Thomas Aquinas, “to seek the good of the other as other”. If I truly love someone, I will seek that which is best for them. It should be noted that this isn’t necessarily what that person thinks is best. For example, although my friend may not initially like it, it is a praiseworthy thing for me to stop him driving home after too many drinks.

Likewise, if I have a friend who self-harms by cutting, it is not a loving thing to encourage that behaviour simply because it’s what they feel they need to do, but rather to help her see what damage that she’s doing to herself and encourage her to seek assistance. Although one must always exercise the virtue of prudence, I do my friend no favours by keeping my mouth shut. It would be the height of selfishness to sit back and do nothing as she hurts herself, providing that I love the friendship more than I love my friend.

Speaking up & paying the price

To love our neighbour means to get involved, to speak up, even if it is sometimes unwelcome. Although today’s post is about abortion, I think it’s actually applicable to pretty much any issue which relates to morality or worldview. The well-known atheist, Penn Jillette, makes the same point when he criticizes Christians for being half-hearted in evangelism:

“How much do you have to hate somebody to NOT proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?” – Penn Jillette

Speaking up is hard, because it will typically cost me something. If I speak up, I’m not only inconvenienced, but I open myself up to ridicule and scorn. It takes considerable fortitude to say something when it would be infinitely easier to keep quite and just not rock the boat. Speaking up brings hassle, drama…

I’m sure we’ve all had a difficult conversation with a loved one which has been received badly even though we were honestly trying to do right by them. Yet authentic love seeks to speak truth and refuses to give anything less.

Love and pro-life

Hopefully it is clear to see how this topic relates to abortion. Pro-lifers in general, and Christians in particular, are told that they are not “loving” when they say that abortion is wrong and attempt to explain why this is true. However, as explained above, loving someone means seeking their good. Abortion is not good! It ends the life of the child and it wounds the mother. If we truly love, we will seek a better alternative.

Respecting someone else’s opinion is a good thing. However, respecting another’s opinion doesn’t mean that I have to agree with that opinion, nor does it mean that we should refrain from attempting to change their mind to protect the lives of innocents put in danger by that opinion.

As I said, there’s often a cost associated with speaking up. At the March For Life in DC last year I gave up some Californian warmth, used up some of my vacation time, and I had a few strained conversations on Facebook. As sacrifices go, it was pretty small. Some others give up far more.

Speaking the truth in love

So, why shouldn’t pro-lifers “mind their own business”? Simply put, because love demands that we don’t. We can’t keep quiet for two reasons:

1. We love the unborn children. Every abortion destroys a human life while it is at its most defenseless and vulnerable.

2. We also love the mothers. The mother is making a terrible decision, harming not only her baby, but herself as well.

Authentic love seeks the good of the other. It doesn’t take the easy way out. It doesn’t keep silent.