Tag: Friendship

Wise Words on Wednesday: Keeping Up With Your Friends

Leave a comment

Swafford

Even though there is a temptation to compare yourself to celebrities and feel completely inadequate, there is a little bit of a buffer between us and them.

But this is not the case when it comes to jumping on social media and endlessly scrolling through your friends’ lives. The buffer is gone: you know these people, and you see them almost every day. The comparing and competing is no longer just a reality TV; this is your reality – and this time there is no excuse in your mind for not “keeping up”

– Sarah Swafford, Emotional Virtue

Meeting Christ in my father’s death

11 comments
Dad-3

My Dad’s birthday party (2007)

Today’s article is one which I’ve wanted to write for some time. You see, 2015 has been a very eventful year for me, but unfortunately much of it has been less-than-pleasant. In fact, I think I can say without exaggeration that this year has featured some of the most painful experiences of my life. Not least of these events was the death of my father in July. Up until now I haven’t said much about this publicly, but I would like to share a little bit about it today…

I had spent Independence Day with friends on Whidbey Island. It’s a truly delightful part of the world and I had a wonderful time there. We spent the day at the pool and had an evening of fine food and board games, followed by fireworks at the beach. The following morning, for some inexplicable reason, virtually everyone in the house rose early and went for a three-mile run. Since it was early on the day after a national holiday, we pretty much had the island to ourselves and in the crisp, early morning air, we passed several deer as we made our tour of the island. It was beautiful.

It was after breakfast that I received a message from my family back in England, asking me to call. A knot formed in my stomach; I had a suspicion as to the reason for this message. I excused myself and went out to my car, where I called my Mum. She confirmed what I had feared: my Dad was dying.

You see, my father had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma several years before. After several rounds of chemotherapy, his health seemed to be under control, but in recent months things hadn’t been looking so good. Infections had become increasingly common, necessitating numerous speedy trips to the hospital. My Mum said that Dad had suffered yet another infection, but unlike the previous ones, this one was certain to kill him. She told me that the hospital staff said that there was nothing more they could do and that it was unlikely he’d last another twenty-four hours. After hanging up the phone, I composed myself and went back into the house, said my goodbyes and was soon on my way back to Seattle.

Read more

Catholic Dating: Friends First

20 comments

Continuing our discussion concerning the Christian dating scene, today I would like to talk about “Friends First” dating. I would like to ruminate over some of the advantages of this approach, but I would also like to discuss some of the potential pitfalls, at least as I see them.

In Christian formation and catechesis, you often hear praise of romantic relationships which were first based on friendship, before the addition of a romantic component. This is what is known as “Friends First” dating.

FriendsThe approach certainly has much to commend itself. After all, it makes sense to get to know someone, that person’s character, personality, interests etc., prior to the big rush of hormones and emotions that come with dating. The “high” that comes from being in a relationship can leave one blind to the warning signs. It’s not hard to find examples of what happens when someone rushes headlong into dating and becomes so emotionally entangled with the other person that it becomes extremely difficult to deal with problems in the relationship, or even to recognize when problems exist.

I know plenty of people who have got together through physical attraction and initial chemistry, only to find out a month or two down the line that there isn’t really anything else on which to base the relationship. To their shock, they realize that the other person is not the person they thought at all! After all, it’s not too hard to “hide the crazy” for the first few months… 😉

Read more

Group Pilgrimage

Leave a comment

I thought I would do a follow-up to yesterday’s post about friendship…

Since the earliest times, as pilgrims traveled towards some holy site, they would travel together in groups. They would band together for support, encouragement and safety as they journeyed towards their pilgrimage destination. Likewise, in our pilgrimage towards Heaven, good friends along the way can offer us all kinds of support.

Given my personality type, I benefit greatly from time by myself, but in recent years I’ve come to understand how much I need friends. Good, virtuous friends support and encourage, but also tell us the cold, hard truth about ourselves when we really need it.

A while ago I was praying The Office of Readings and read about the beautiful friendship between St. Basil and St. Gregory of Nazianzen. These were two of the three “Cappadocian Fathers” who were Early Church Fathers in Fourth Century Turkey. On Wednesday, in the Eastern calendar, it will be their feast day, the “Feast of the Three Holy Hierarchs“, I thought I’d share an extract from one of Gregory’s sermons where he describes his relationship with Basil.

the-three-holy-hierarchs

Read more

1 2 3