Tag: featured

Catholic Dating: Not wanting to be “that guy”

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In recent posts I’ve been sharing my thoughts about the question often asked by Catholic females, “Why doesn’t that nice Catholic boy ask me out?”

In my last post I wrote about how the fear of rejection plays a significant part in the answer to this question. In addition, I suggested that a warped sense of Christian masculinity contributes to the problem and that all this is exacerbated by the close communal nature of faith groups.

Today I’d like to continue looking at this issue and examine briefly another of the reasons why Catholic guys tend not to ask out Catholic girls as often as they perhaps should. In today’s post I would propose that guys sometimes fail to do so because they don’t want to be that guy.

In each Catholic community I’ve belonged to, there has always been that guy. You know who I mean? I’m talking about the player. He’s the guy who’s always scanning the pews at the Young Adult Mass or Bible Study, keeping an eye out for any new arrivals. As soon as a new girl turns up, you can guarantee he’ll be the one jumping in to offer her a warm welcome to the parish…which’ll quite likely involve a dinner and a romantic drive by sunset beach…

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The “brothers” of Jesus

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A friend recently sent me a Facebook message asking about a passage from the Bible she had heard at Mass:

“Can you shed light on the “brothers” of Jesus in the gospel today for me? James, Joseph, Simon and Judas…” 

The passage referred to was from Matthew’s Gospel:

They were astonished [at Jesus] and said, “Where did this man get such wisdom and mighty deeds? Is he not the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother named Mary and his brothers James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas? Are not his sisters all with us? …”  – Matthew 13:54-58

So what do we make of these guys, these “brothers” of Jesus?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary…

The Catholic Church teaches that Mary was not only a virgin at the time of Jesus’ birth, but also that she remained a virgin for the rest of her life. However, doesn’t the above passage mention the “brothers…[and]…sisters” of Jesus? Doesn’t that prove that Mary had other children after Christ?

As you can imagine this issue is often raised in Catholic-Protestant dialogue, since the doctrine of the Perpetual Virginity of Mary found in Sacred Tradition seems to many Protestants to obviously contradict Sacred Scripture.

There’s a lot which could be said on this subject, but in this post I would like to offer a brief response and explain how Catholics understand the mention of Jesus’ “brothers”.

Mary

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Catholic Dating: Fear of rejection

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So, earlier today I wrote that I wanted to resurrect the abandoned blog series I began last year. I wanted to finally return to address the question I’ve so often heard asked about Catholic guys: why do they seem so averse to asking girls out on dates?

I would suggest that the main reason is simply fear of rejection.

It’s a pretty basic answer, but I think that this is all-too-often the reason why the Catholic guys I know haven’t dated more. This reason applies to non-Catholic men as well, of course, but I think there are some uniquely complicating factors for Catholics and I’ll talk about those in a bit.

Living Dangerously

Asking someone out is not exactly a stress-free activity. It involves risk. It involves “putting yourself out there” and risking  rejection. Sometimes that rejection can be swift and direct (“Sorry, but no thank you”), sometimes laced with platitudes (“You’re really special, but I think of you as more of a brother”) and sometimes you’ll just be ignored. However, in the mind of a guy there is always the irrational fear that it’d be cold and brutal (“You want to go on a date? Ewh! Ewh! Get away from me!”).

This fear of being shot-down is very real for a lot of guys, particularly those of the more sensitive variety. The lack of confidence and fear of rejection can lead to a paralyzing insecurity.

rejection

Asking someone out requires courage and willingness to be vulnerable, but I think there are two complicating factors which are unique for Christian men… Read more

Catholic Dating: Let’s try this again…

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A long, long time ago I announced that I was writing a series of posts which would attempt to respond to a question which I have heard asked in frustration by many of my female Catholic friends concerning my brothers in the Faith: “Why doesn’t that nice Catholic boy ask me out?”

Despite having received a lively response to my original blog entry, it is well over a year later and I have posted nothing further on the subject 🙁

Now, I did begin sketching out a few initial articles, but unfortunately I soon began to feel rather nervous, unsure as to how such posts would be received, particularly by those within my immediate Church family. So, to cut a long story short, I chickened out. I stopped working on them and didn’t publish anything further on the subject.

And in case you were wondering, no, the irony of this was not lost on me…

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The Lord of Time & Space

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tardisA few days ago I received this email:

Any chance you could write about miracles that involve time (if there are any). There are miracles of all types it seems, but I’ve never heard of a miracle that involved some manipulation of time. Just curious if perhaps you had.

The first example I thought was from the Book of Joshua where one reading of the text (Joshua 10) would suggest that time stood still while the Israelites won the battle.

The other example I thought of was that of “bilocation”. In miracles of bilocation, a person is seen in two different places at the same time. In fact, the patron Saint of this blog, St. Drogo, was reported to have bilocated.

The final miracle I thought of was the Eucharist since, through the words of consecration, the sacrifice of Jesus is made present on our altars.

These were the only three examples I could think of though. I guess the problem with miracles concerning time is that they’re kinda hard to keep track of!

Can anyone think of any other examples of miracles concerning time?

What my legs tell you about Jesus’ Baptism

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As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently part of a Bible study in which we are working through St. Matthew’s Gospel. A couple of weeks ago we read Matthew’s account of Jesus’ baptism…

Baptism

This event is something of a head scratcher. I mean, who was it that had been coming to John for baptism? Sinners! So why did Jesus, the sinless Son of God, come to be baptized? What business had he there? In our perplexity, we are in good company since John the Baptist thought it kinda barmy too:

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” – Matthew 3:13-14

So why did Jesus come to be baptized? During our discussion in the Bible Study I pointed at my legs and asked “What do these tell you?”

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A few thoughts on head coverings

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Mantilla A friend of mine recently asked me about the veils worn by female parishioners at a church she had visited. I didn’t have much to say since, being a boy, I hadn’t given too much thought to the subject of frilly lace…

My first real exposure to the chapel veil and mantilla was in Washington DC, when I went to my first Extraordinary Form Mass at the Basilica. If you have attended a Latin Mass you may well have noticed them too.

However, it’s not like the use of veils is restricted only to “traditional” Catholics. I’ve occasionally seen veils at English Novus Ordo liturgies. Additionally, the reason that there aren’t many good photos of me at my First Holy Communion is because, in most pictures, my face is partially or wholly obscured by a veil belonging to one of the girls in my class! But the most common prevailing use of the veil is, of course, by a bride at her wedding.

I tried to do a little bit of research on the history and theology of veils but I unfortunately didn’t find a lot of good source material, so if you know a lot about veils or have any good resources you’d like to share, please respond in the Comment Box below.

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