Friday Frivolity: A Good Confession
Make a good confession, not a boring one…
Category: Humour
Troparion of the Great Pumpkin – Tone 4
O most wonderful Great Pumpkin! * Thou didst promise to travel the earth each year on All Hallow’s Eve to seek out the most sincere pumpkin patch. * And thou didst promise wondrous presents to children over the earth * if they wouldst be good and wait on thee. * This year we ask thee to consider the sincerity of the pumpkin patch of Linus, * for he hast waited patiently upon thee for over forty years. * If thou doth deny our petition to see Linus’ pumpkin patch as truly sincere, * thou might find thyself served up as a pumpkin pie.
Friday Frivolity: Stuff Traditional Catholics Say
Marvel-ous Pope
In honour of the 35th Anniversary of Blessed John Paul II’s election…
The Bogwash Epistles: Epistle #2
Music: Moonlight Hall Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
My dear Bogwash,
In my previous letter I asked you to make an effort to understand what makes your Patient tick and to probe him for weaknesses which we may exploit. Unfortunately, all you presented me with was several pages of drivel, full of useless information and ridiculous speculation. I expect to see a better effort in your next correspondence.
I see from reading your Patient’s file that his recent renewed allegiance to the Enemy was brought about through the chaplain at the university. That priest is well known to us, my dear Bogwash, well known indeed! He is a formidable warrior in the service of the Enemy. Oh, the problems that man has caused for us over the years! Plans have been underway for some time to limit his effect on the souls at that institution of learning. I hear that an experienced task force of tempters was recently assigned to his case. We have yet to find a way to ruin him, but trust me, we will…
Fortunately for you, your Patient will soon be graduating and his contact with that man will soon be limited. With graduation comes a time of change and flux and this period has great potential for us. There is always the risk that during this time of uncertainty your Patient will come to trust more in the Enemy, but it is also a wonderful opportunity for us, a perfect time to encourage him to cast off childish things…such as his newfound religion. Do your best to remind him of all the ways this new faith will limit his freedom and his enjoyment of the new, exciting world of adult life.
You Patient will soon be leaving the protective womb of the University Chaplaincy and enter the wider world. Once he has left the university, even if he persists in the service of the Enemy for a time, he will soon face many new trials which will almost certainly abort this nascent faith. Outside of the walls of the Chaplaincy he will encounter something truly terrifying – the typical Catholic parish!
Your primary task at this time is to quickly stunt the growth of this renewed faith. This requires a two-pronged approach. Firstly, your must do your best to alienate him from the Christian community, isolating him from his brethren who will support, encourage and guide him. On his own he will not last long. Fortunately, as I said, he will soon be moving into parish life, so this task may be done for you with very little assistance required on your part. Secondly, it must be your priority to cut him off from all the sources of strength given to him by the Enemy, in particular, the Sacraments and that abominable Eucharist. In my next letter, I will begin address the steps to be taken to eradicate, or at the very least diminish, the impact of those Sacraments upon the Patient.
Your affectionate mentor,
Professor Slubgob
Friday Frivolity: Exorcism
The Bogwash Epistles: Epistle #1
Music: Moonlight Hall Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
My dear Bogwash,
It is indeed an interesting twist of fate, that on the eve of being assigned your human, the Patient makes a decision to embrace with renewed vigor his dormant childhood faith. It is standard policy here at the Training College to assign to our undergraduates (due to their inexperience) those humans who are generally weak in faith, so this recent development is indeed unfortunate.
But while you received the misfortune to be assigned this particular Patient, you have also been extremely fortunate to receive me as your Tutor. We have been rather short-staffed at the College recently and, as such, I have been told to instruct some of you undergraduates personally. This task is, quite frankly, beneath me…but you and I both know that Our Father Below is unaccustomed to being denied. Regardless, if you follow my expert tutelage, we will swiftly crush your Patient’s newfound devotion to the Enemy. If you do as I say and handle him rightly, we will soon have him returning to his former trajectory towards Our Father’s House Below.
In these preliminary stages of temptation you must concentrate your efforts on coming to understand the Patient. What kind of man is he? What are his weaknesses? And more importantly, is he aware of these weaknesses? The less he knows of them the better! I expect a full report in your next letter.
Although the situation is of some concern, we should not panic. Many Catholics have, at some point, renewed the practice of their faith, but ultimately lasted only for but a brief season.
Your Patient has woken up. It is your job to gently lull him back to sleep.
Your affectionate mentor,
Professor Slubgob.