Category: Catholicism

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Music: Moonlight Hall Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

My dear Bogwash,

In my previous letter I asked you to make an effort to understand what makes your Patient tick and to probe him for weaknesses which we may exploit. Unfortunately, all you presented me with was several pages of drivel, full of useless information and ridiculous speculation. I expect to see a better effort in your next correspondence.

I see from reading your Patient’s file that his recent renewed allegiance to the Enemy was brought about through the chaplain at the university. That priest is well known to us, my dear Bogwash, well known indeed! He is a formidable warrior in the service of the Enemy. Oh, the problems that man has caused for us over the years! Plans have been underway for some time to limit his effect on the souls at that institution of learning. I hear that an experienced task force of tempters was recently assigned to his case. We have yet to find a way to ruin him, but trust me, we will…

Fortunately for you, your Patient will soon be graduating and his contact with that man will soon be limited. With graduation comes a time of change and flux and this period has great potential for us. There is always the risk that during this time of uncertainty your Patient will come to trust more in the Enemy, but it is also a wonderful opportunity for us, a perfect time to encourage him to cast off childish things…such as his newfound religion. Do your best to remind him of all the ways this new faith will limit his freedom and his enjoyment of the new, exciting world of adult life.

You Patient will soon be leaving the protective womb of the University Chaplaincy and enter the wider world.  Once he has left the university, even if he persists in the service of the Enemy for a time, he will soon face many new trials which will almost certainly abort this nascent faith. Outside of the walls of the Chaplaincy he will encounter something truly terrifying – the typical Catholic parish!

Your primary task at this time is to quickly stunt the growth of this renewed faith. This requires a two-pronged approach.  Firstly, your must do your best to alienate him from the Christian community, isolating him from his brethren who will support, encourage and guide him. On his own he will not last long. Fortunately, as I said, he will soon be moving into parish life, so this task may be done for you with very little assistance required on your part. Secondly, it must be your priority to cut him off from all the sources of strength given to him by the Enemy, in particular, the Sacraments and that abominable Eucharist. In my next letter, I will begin address the steps to be taken to eradicate, or at the very least diminish, the impact of those Sacraments upon the Patient.

Your affectionate mentor,

Professor Slubgob