Virgin Regret (Part 5): Conclusion
This is the last post in the series responding to Samantha Pugsley’s article about her regret in remaining a virgin until her wedding night.
Losing my religion
As a result of all she experienced, Samantha left the faith of her childhood:
I don’t go to church anymore, nor am I religious. As I started to heal, I realized that I couldn’t figure out how to be both religious and sexual at the same time.
Although it’s understandable that she felt a conflict between sex and faith, it really does have to be pointed out that Christians for 2,000 years have not found the two to be irreconcilable. The reason for this is that Christianity has much more to say about sex and marriage than Samantha was ever taught. God made sex! He made it good and enjoyable, he stamped the design into our very bodies. One of the earliest commands in the Bible is to “be fruitful and multiply” and I don’t think God was talking about apples and arithmetic…
Doing things differently
Samantha says that if she could do it again, she wouldn’t have waited until she got married to have sex. I do wonder though what would have been different? I wonder if they would have stayed together if they weren’t married and their first sexual experience was anything like that of their honeymoon.
Samantha also said that if she and her husband could do it again, they “would have gotten married at a more appropriate age”. She doesn’t say in the article how old they were, but since they dated for six years, I can’t imagine that she was any younger than twenty-one, which is young, but hardly an inappropriate age to get married.
In a phrase rather reminiscent of her boyfriend’s earlier comment, Samantha speaks to her readers:
It’s your body; it belongs to you, not your church. Your sexuality is nobody’s business but yours.
All this has left Samantha, in my opinion, in a position no better than she was before:
When I have sex with my husband, I make sure it’s because I have a sexual need and not because I feel I’m required to fulfill his desires.
If I were her husband reading this, I’d be heartbroken. What she was taught before was twisted, but this seems to me to be equally broken. Rather than her, it’s now her husband who is being used and objectified. Sex for her continues to be not about self-donation, but about fulfilling basic biological urges.
The difference good theology makes
Jesus, the Church and Pope St. John Paul II in his “Theology of the Body” point us to something far grander and this must be proclaimed. Couples are called to be living icons of God Himself, spouses are exhorted to image Christ and His Church, all called to chastity, to forget ourselves and live lives of authentic love. This is a truth we must proclaim to the world. We cannot be vague and we cannot afford to water-down the truth.
I am fortunate to be surrounded by couples who live chastely and have embraced the Church’s vision. It is truly beautiful. This is not an ethereal theology, a nice idea dreamed up by scholastic theologians. No, the Church offers us a concrete, robust understanding of the human person and the goodness of sexual union.
I followed the entire series and I must say it is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift!
Thanks for the encouragement Michael and welcome to Restless Pilgrim 🙂
Thank you for doing this series! I think some links or references here at the end where a reader could learn a little bit more about the theology behind your perspective could be helpful. TOB, other materials, definitions, etc…? I think reading your surface responses is good, but to really understand, and not just hear “that same church-babble”, I, and possibly a reader from outside the [Catholic] Christian Chastity sphere might need some additional material to satisfy their curiosity. Thanks again, I thought it was awesome!
Thanks Eve, do you have any specific materials/websites in mind?
TOB online – http://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/JP2TBIND.HTM
Dr. Edward Siri making things easy to digest – http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/author/drsri/
Fulton Sheen bringing it all back to reality- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtMKPaG7vVA
(Three to Get Married idk if it’s online anywhere)
The Catechism for really bored, I mean patient, people – http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm
I once read an awesome article (in a super old web page) on the virtues, and their coverage of chastity was the bomb. I can’t find it, but USCCB has a good sized link drop – http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/abstinence-and-chastity/
I think just making sure such things as chastity according to the Church are lined out clearly is important. Definitions alone might aid discussion. All the CC lingo throws non-Catholics from time to time.
Hope that helps explain what I mean, and please know I do think it’s great as is. Peace.
Thanks 🙂
The Truth of Christian Marriage, as found in the Church, is what the world needs. I feel bad for her because her protestant church cheated her on the beauty of marriage and the gift of self. Hopefully she finds healing and peace and returns to Christ (and maybe comes home to the Catholic Church).
Thanks for this series! It seems many Catholics who dont know any TOB pretty much think the same way too. Like sex and religion are total opposites. I hope they, and Samantha, will receive the light and beauty of what sex and marriage truly mean.
Thanks 🙂
I love this. I hope she read it and that you planted seeds in her heart.
Thanks 🙂
Why can’t sex be as simple as YES. Yes to God, yes to the grand design, yes to love, yes to life, and not least .. YES to your spouse? Why does this have to be so darn complicated?? Self gift. No careful moderation or calculation or equitable psychologizing. And for the love of God, NO careful theological validation or catechetical orthodoxy required.
Just DO it. GIVE. LOVE. TRUST. Enjoy! Give thanks! Be free.