Unveiled Judgement

A while back a friend posted a story and question on Facebook:

A husband and wife are attending a Tridentine Mass. During the consecration, the wife is tapped on the shoulder. A woman passes her a handwritten note that reads, “Shame on you for not covering your head while attending the sacred Mass” along with a cotton cloth of some sort and a pin.

How do you respond?

Needless to say, a very interesting Facebook discussion ensued…

It’s not about the Latin Mass

I suppose I should first make it clear that this post is not a crticism of the Latin Mass, head coverings or traditionally-minded Catholics. Speaking personally, I go to the Latin Mass a few times each year and I have written about my fondness for head-coverings in earlier posts. Two of my housemates belong to FSSP parishes.

My friend who posted this story on Facebook also prefixed it by describing himself as “a crypto-admirer of the Tridentine Mass. I don’t attend very often, but I like the fact that it’s still around, and I’m generally opposed to [those] who want to marginalize it”.

So, although this scenario takes place in the context of a Tridentine parish and concerns head veiling, I don’t think that the essence of this story is necessarily tied to the Latin Mass. Although the exact details would be different, I think that a troubling event such as the one described above could have just as equally taken place at a Novus Ordo Mass or even during my own beloved Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom.

Different Reactions

In response to my friend’s post, many people commented on the story with indignation, my personal favourite of which was the rather cheeky “How do you say ‘self-righteous ass’ in Latin?”. A few pointed out the hypocrisy of the lady’s actions, berating someone for disrespecting the Eucharist, yet the Consecration is probably the most inappropriate time to wander around the pews handing out insulting notes to newcomers!

As I’ve said many times, I have the greatest friends in the world. The innate goodness shone in many of their Facebook responses. Many said that, although they’d probably be rather hurt and annoyed, they hoped that they’d try and accept the note and the head-covering in good grace and even a “God bless you”.

Naturally, in the discussion, some said that they would speak after Mass to the lady who handed over the note. As charitable as always, they said that they would try to redirect her enthusiasm. For example, if she felt so strongly about the ladies wearing head-coverings, they said they would suggest that she speak to the priest about becoming an official greeter in the parish. She could welcome those arriving for Mass and offer a suitable head covering to those without one. This would allow the lady to receive some training from her priest. One of my Facebook friends said:

“It would have been nice to offer the veil without judgement. ‘I have an extra veil. Would you like to borrow it?'”

Others said that, although they would let her speak first, they would point out that her actions were imprudent and uncharitable.

My thoughts…

So I guess that, after saying all of this, I should probably say what I would hope to do in such a situation. I would like to think that I wouldn’t make a fuss in the moment. The Mass, and especially the consecration, is not the time to make a scene. I also don’t think I would confront this lady after Mass. I wouldn’t be convinced that it would be an especially productive conversation and, more importantly, I wouldn’t know what kind of situation into which I was walking, knowing nothing about the lady in question or her background. Instead, I would make a point to speak to the parish priest, either directly after the Mass or soon afterward, giving him the note itself.

One of my priest friends asked me what I would expect the priest to do as a result of my speaking to the parish’s pastor. I replied that it would entirely be up to his discretion. The parish is under his authority and he knows his flock far better than I. More than anything else, I would want to make sure that he knew the reception a newcomer had received in his parish. Whatever steps he’d want to take as a result would be up to his prudential judgement.

The priest may be doing a great job building up the parish in so many ways, but I’d suggest that his hard work would be in serious danger of being completely scuttled if unbeknownst to him there’s someone in his parish going around handing newcomers notes like that. The event took place during the consecration in an Ad Orientem parish, so the priest would have been facing towards the altar and therefore it is unlikely he woul dhave seen what went on!

If I were a priest and someone told me this has taken place in the parish where I served, I hope I’d do something. I have often found the welcome at Protestant congregations to be incredibly warm and I have put that down, in large part, to the fact that the subject of hospitality is often preached upon and a culture of welcoming has been nurtured over the course of many years. Likewise, the emphasis on evangelism is often more greatly emphasized at non-Catholic parishes, so members of the congregation are more aware of the fact that the person walking through the church’s doors may well not even be a Christian.

Why is this important?

In the Facebook discussion, I was quite insistent that I didn’t think it was a good idea to say nothing. I also said that, while I think it’s admirable, I don’t think it would be wise to be overly gracious to the lady in question. Why do I say this?

Put simply, the lady’s behaviour was unacceptable. She knew nothing about the people attending her church for the first time. Was it their very first time ever visiting a Catholic Church? Was this the first time visiting after a long absence? Was this their first time experiencing the Extraordinary Form? Had they simply had a terrible morning and the wife forgotten her veil?

As you might have guessed from my comments at the beginning of this article, I’ve had a few “bad” interactions like this at parishes I’ve visited. Those parishes were of different types, some traditional, some more contemporary. If you’ve read my story, you’ll know that the absence of a warm, welcoming community did much to sour my taste of the Catholic Church in the past.

Now when I hear stories like the one told by my friend, I get a little hot under the collar. I’m not so much bothered about the fact that this has happened specifically to me, but by the fact that this could very easily have happened to someone who’s either a brand new Catholic or an established Catholic currently going through a desert experience or in a crisis of faith. An incident like the one described above could be the final straw and cause them to walk away from the Faith. I’ve heard enough stories from ex-Catholics to know this to be true. In fact, most of the stories I hear from those who have left Catholicism/Christianity usually turn on some interpersonal incident rather than doctrine. Behaviour such as this can drive people away from a parish and even from the Church entirely.

Mature Christians know that a few (or even many) bad examples don’t mean that the whole group is bad or that their doctrine is false. However, this may well be the conclusion reached by someone who is exploring the Faith for the first time or someone who is in the midst of a spiritual crisis. It’s these people I’m concerned about.

The Challenge

One of my friends, whose opinion I highly value challenged me, saying, “I would say that a charitable reception of an unjust admonition holds more transformative power for that individual than simply going and telling the priest about it”.

While I certainly don’t doubt don’t the power of gentleness, wouldn’t inaction simply enable the lady in question to behave in the same way with other people who walk through the church doors, thereby risk exposing other visitors to similar “shaming”? Gentle, graceful responses can be a wonderful thing for converting hearts. However, it very often takes lots of time and my greater concern in this scenario is for the collateral damage which is accumulated in the meantime. I’ve known too many parishes and parish groups which have been soured by a single individual left unchecked. In fact, couldn’t the case be made that a meek response might even be detrimental to our note-passer? After all, doesn’t it validate the behaviour, affirming that, yes, passing shaming notes to visitors during the consecration is the Christian thing to do? Isn’t this likely to encourage others to do the same?!

By nature, I’m non-confrontational. I much prefer gentle coaxing rather than the more direct route of “confrontation” (and I use quotation marks purposefully here). However, I’ve started seeing the problem with my usual approach. It usually takes a considerable amount of time to take effect and in the meantime it gives tacit approval to the behaviour in question. It comes back to that thorny word “love”…what is truly the most loving thing to do in a given situation? For example, how does one properly love an alcoholic? By confrontation or non-confrontation? Likewise, what is the most loving thing to do when someone is being a jerk? Bear it patiently and show grace? Sometimes, sure, but is there something to be said for confronting that person directly or, at the very least, speaking to the pastor of the parish and trusting his judgement in handling the situation, to do what he thinks best to nurture a faith community in which Christ is made present, not only in the Eucharist, but also in the actions of the congregation.