Head back to Sunday School, Colbert…
On Catholic Memes, I just saw a video where Stephen Colbert challenged another celebrity to a Catholic throwdown. This time his opponent was Patricia Heaton, star of “Everybody loves Raymond” and “The Middle”:
Oh Stephen…you disappoint me.
I counted at least three major Catholic mistakes in this throwdown, three “maxima culpas”, if you will. So get out your sackcloth and ashes, and let me I teach you something about the Catholic Faith…
Saints Preserve Us!
The first mistake was that you said there’s no St. Patricia. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, ….sigh…are you forgetting St. Patricia of Naples from the 7th Century?
Of course, the real sin here is that your guest didn’t pick you up on this! C’mon Patricia, when do you celebrate your feast day?! I may have to have words with your Confessor about this…
Know your mom, son!
The second problem came, Stephen, when you tried to list the the nine major approved Marian apparitions. You got two out of nine, which I’m afraid isn’t very good. In case you were wondering, the nine apparitions are as follows:
- Guadalupe in Mexico
- Rue du Bac, Paris, France
- La Salette, France
- Lourdes, France
- Pontmain, France
- Knock, Ireland
- Fatima, Portugal
- Beauraing, Belgium
- Banneux, Belgium
However, the real problem was that you said “Medjugorje” as one of your answers. You got away with it on the show, but you’ll notice that Medjugorje is not listed above as one of the nine, since it’s not officially approved.
Poor Assumptions
The final mistake in the throwdown was your assertion that “Mary…did not die a mortal death”. You could forgive a Sunday School student for getting this one wrong, but I expect a little more from a ninja Catholic like yourself, Stephen…
You see, the wording of Pope Pius XII’s dogmatic declaration concerning the Assumption is as follows:
“…we pronounce, declare, and define it to be a divinely revealed dogma: that the Immaculate Mother of God, the ever Virgin Mary, having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul into heavenly glory”
– Pope Pius XII, Munificentissimus Deus
The text simply says that she “completed the course of her earthly life”. This is somewhat ambiguous, but if you read the rest of the document you’ll see that the Pope gives three citations, all of which point towards a natural, mortal death:
1. The Byzantine Liturgy
“As he kept you a virgin in childbirth, thus he has kept your body incorrupt in the tomb and has glorified it by his divine act of transferring it from the tomb.”
2. Pope Adrian I
“…the holy Mother of God suffered temporal death, but still could not be kept down by the bonds of death…”
3. Saint Modestus
“As the most glorious Mother of Christ…she has received an eternal incorruptibility of the body together with him who has raised her up from the tomb and has taken her up to himself in a way known only to him.”
This is clearly shown in icons of the Dormition in the Eastern Churches:
So there you go Stephen, I hope this helps. Oh, and Stephen? When you’re ready to play with the big boys, please give me a call…
how sad 🙁
re: Stephan Colbert
I used to think he was pretty funny, but he went over the line one too many times. I get that he a comedian, but to tout that he’s a Catholic and then mock certain topics for laughs TO AUDIENCES SOMEWHAT ANTI-CATHOLIC is a bridge too far. I can chuckle with other Catholics about our faith, but I wouldn’t often do the same in front of those who deride our faith…just sayin’.
The last straw for me was when he mocked the footage of the burning car at Bengazi saying, “Why hasn’t anyone just put out the car that was on fire for two years!” It mocked what I thought was a serious human tragedy. I haven’t watched him since. Again, just sayin’.
I love Stephen, but know what you mean. I still can’t help but hearing things with Protestant ears and the Catholic topics raised in the interview did make me cringe somewhat.
It’s pretty wild that Catholic Culture is celebrated at all publicly, that’s exciting on it’s own. He did gaff the Medj, sighting, knew that would come up, and flubbed the Pat/Patrica (weirder Patrica didn’t call him on it), the “not a mortal death/completed the course of her earthly life” was a poor understanding, and could have been better explained BUT, legit, it was super-fun to watch and be in on all the “private” jokes – THAT is super-duper-fun.
I do enjoy Colbert and I’m glad he’s running around issues “Catholic Throwdown” challenges… I just secretly want to be hired as the official “Catholic Throwndown” referee. #CallMeStephen