Making a huddle

Back in San Diego, I was part of a group which we called “The Men’s Huddle”. We were a small group of Catholic guys who got together every couple of weeks in order to share our lives, hold each other accountable and to encourage one another as we sought to become all that God calls us to be.

In the last couple of years I’ve noticed more men’s groups have been springing up. This is really great to see and today I’d like to write a little bit about The Huddle, in the hope that it will inspire other men to do something similar. The Huddle was a great support to me during my time in San Diego and I would like more men to experience the sort of blessing which comes with membership of such a group.

The idea

The idea for the Huddle came from my friend and roommate, Nathan. We had talked for some time about the need of men’s ministry and, in particular, for a men’s ministry that was personal. At that time, there were several other men’s activities in the Diocese, but these were not frequent. They were also usually larger affairs, and ones which required little or no commitment on behalf of the men involved.

What Nathan and I wanted was a group where there was, first and foremost, intimacy and honesty. We both felt that this couldn’t really be achieved in a group where (a) meetings was infrequent (b) the numbers were large or (c) attendance inconsistent. We decided, therefore, to assemble a small group of guys who would meet on a regular basis, where each man would commit to journeying with the group. What would be said in the Huddle would remain in the Huddle…

The early days

We began the Huddle simply by meeting once a month, either at a brewery or in someone’s home. We had no real agenda of which to speak. We would simply meet, share a couple of beers and chat about stuff. Not all members of the group knew each other that well and it was an opportunity just to get to know one another better.

Over time, the format of our meetings evolved. Fairly quickly we took to ending the evening with Night Prayer (it took several weeks before we all managed to get iBreviary installed on our phones!).

After a few months, we agreed to start adding some more structure to our meetings. I had received spiritual direction during University and I suggested that we adapt the format I had been given back then. We did this for two reasons. Firstly, we wanted to make sure that the topics of conversation in our meetings extended beyond the upcoming Marvel movie and the score at the latest Padres’ game. We wanted to talk about things of substance as well. Secondly, we wanted to make sure that everyone in the Huddle would share something of themselves at each meeting, as intimacy is only built through self-revelation in an atmosphere of trust.

Our Meetings

In its final form, the group was made up of seven guys, most of whom were laity. We met together on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of every month. We sometimes met at a quiet pub and sometimes at someone’s house. If we met at someone’s house, somebody would bring beer and another person brought food.

The evening would begin with just some time relaxing together, talking or shooting pool. At some point, somebody would call the meeting to order (usually one of the bossier members!). We’d begin with a short prayer and then we’d take it in turns to share aspects of our lives which are outlined below, which I affectionately dubbed “Life, wife, holiness and strife”!

1. Life
Each person would usually begin by saying a thing or two about what was going on in his life, especially with regards to work, relationships and family. This would typically form the backdrop for the later sections…

2. Vocation (“Wife”)
Our group was made up of men in a variety of vocational states. Some had received Holy Orders and some had received the Sacrament of Matrimony. Still others were in committed relationships and others were still just trying to work things out.

The purpose of this section was for the person to share what he was doing to pursue and embrace his vocation, both broadly-speaking and specifically (marriage/priesthood). I would say that this section was one of the most beneficial things about the Huddle, as men do not typically discuss these things with each other.

3. Faith (“Holiness”)
Since the purpose of The Huddle was for each man to grow in holiness, one of the sections was dedicated to the spiritual journey. Here we would talk about our prayer life, our sacramental life, as well as our evangelistic efforts.

4. Cross (“Strife”)
The final section would usually relate to the things with which we were struggling and for which we would like encouragement and prayer. In my opinion, it’s only really possible to do something like this where the group is small, since it’s much easier to talk about your fears and struggles with people whom you trust.

Go forth and huddle!

The Huddle had been running for over a year before I left San Diego and I have to say the Huddle was definitely one of the highlights of my week. Those men were a real support in my life and helped me grow.

When others expressed interest in joining, we instead encouraged them to start their own cell, and in this way Men’s Huddle Beta was formed. So, if you’re not in a group like this, I’d invite you to go form one! I really can’t encourage it enough since, as the proverb goes, “Iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another…” (Proverbs 27:17)

What’s your experience of men’s groups (or women’s groups)?