Discussions about marriage

Facebook continues to buzz with threads discussing the SCOTUS decision concerning same-sex marriage. I have engaged in some of these online discussions but I’ve continued to find them disappointing. As I pointed out in my earlier post, I’ve found the level of argumentation displayed in these exchanges typically to be rather low. I’ve found that even to call into question the soundness of the SCOTUS decision is to simply invite a tirade of abuse and name-calling.

There have, however, been a few occasions where the exchanges have more closely resembled a dialogue. As I’ve previously written, when involved in apologetics, I try to be socratic in my approach, mainly restricting myself to asking questions. Today’s post is simply to share the kinds of questions I typically ask when discussing the subject of same-sex marriage…

Questions

Here are some of the questions I typically ask:

1. What actually is marriage? From where did you get this definition?

2. Doesn’t your definition exclude relationships between three or more people (the tuple, quartet etc)? Why shouldn’t this exclusion be regarded as discrimination? If marriage is simply a matter of romantic love, by excluding the same-sex tuple, aren’t you saying that love between two people is objectively better than love between a larger group of people? Doesn’t your definition say something similar about incestuous relationships? Why is this not unfair discrimination?

3. Should romantic/sexual love be a requirement for marriage? For example, would it be wrong and reprehensible for two close friends to get married simply for the tax benefits which come with it? Can you explain why or why not?

4. Why does the government have an interest in the marriage at all? Why does it take a special interest in the marriage relationship, regulating it and incentivizing it through benefits?

5. It is often stated that same-sex marriage is a right. What actually is a right and from where does it originate?

These are the questions I usually ask. With a few exceptions, I rarely see a meaningful reply. For example, when asking about the definition of marriage I’m usually met with exclamations of “It’s obvious!”.

The question as to why the tuple or quartet is not considered a marriage is usually brushed aside with “But that’s not what we’re currently discussing!”. My debate partner is often unable to see that I’m trying to discover what distinguishing principle is being used to determine what constitutes a marriage and what does not. Is this simply a case of special-pleading for only certain romantic relationships?

It usually doesn’t take long before these questions are ignored entirely and I’m treated to yet another repetition of “This is an equal rights issue” (see Question #5) or the classic Ad Hominem fallacy of “You’re just against marriage equality because you’re a Christian”.

My favourite response though is “You’re being closed-minded”. Surely if I’m closed-minded, the simplest way to bring me out of my closed-mindedness is to give answers to my questions?