Top 11 reasons why all men should learn to dance
All in all, I’ve taught quite a few dance classes this year. For example, at the beginning of the summer, I visited a local school and introduced a class of Eighth Graders to swing dancing and last month I taught a group of a hundred and fifty teenagers (eesh!) at a youth retreat in Julian.
As a general rule, when I teach dance lessons, the girls are really enthusiastic about learning whereas the guys are usually more reluctant. I’ve noticed that this reaction is not limited to teenagers. I’ve seen the same thing when I’ve taught “young adults” and I’ve even seen the same reaction among real grown-ups too! For example, towards the beginning of the year I taught Nightclub Foxtrot at a local parish event and, when it was time for the lesson, all the men were suddenly rather absent… Where had all the “leaders” gone?
In this post I would like to outline the top eleven reasons as to why every man should learn to dance. Anyone who knows me well will know that I think all guys, without exception, should know how to dance. In Medieval times, a knight’s training was considered incomplete if he could not dance. It was true then and I think it’s no less true today… 🙂
So, why should all men learn some kind of partner dancing?
Reason #1: You can’t get out of it
You may think that you can get through life without having to dance, but I can guarantee you that’s not really possible. You’re going to have to get out on the dance floor eventually. At some point you’ll end up getting dragged out to a club by some friends. Eventually you will go to a house party. Not only that, throughout your life there will be countless weddings to attend. There will be dancing at all these events, so you may as well accept that dancing is inevitable and be prepared so as to bust out some sweet moves on the floor 🙂
Reason #2: Dancing improves coordination
Men aren’t typically light on their feet. However, learning to dance can help you improve your coordination and the control you have over your own body. For example, did you know that the world-famous martial artist, Bruce Lee, was a Cha Cha champion?
Reason #3: Dancing together teaches respectful gender interactions
This is the main reason why I think teenagers should learn some form of formal dance. Partner dancing has much to teach us about right interactions with members of the opposite sex. It teaches kids that dancing can be fun without being sleazy. It can teach them that it’s possible to dance with someone without the sole motivation of getting a girlfriend or to simply find someone to use for the night.
In an introductory lesson, I always make a point of explaining to the guys how to ask a lady to dance. You might think this would be obvious, but experience has taught me that apparently it isn’t. I tell the gentlemen to…
(a) Walk up confidently
(b) Smile
(c) Ask the lady for the next dance
(d) Offer your hand and lead the lady onto the dance floor
(e) Dance!
(f) Thank her for the dance
(g) Escort the lady back off the dance floor
Unless I spell this out, the men’s attempts are, quite frankly, rather pitiful! The last time I was in Seattle, I went salsa dancing with Jessica. We were having a drink at a table by the dance floor, and a guy came up and asked me if he could dance with her. I told him that it was fine with me, but that he ought to ask her. He laughed and then went to take Jessica’s hand to lead her onto the dance floor. At this point, I stopped him. That’s not how you ask a lady to dance! I made him start again and do it properly 🙂
Reason #4: Learning to dance means learning how to lead
This is related to the previous point. As a man, part of learning to dance with a partner requires that you learn how to lead. If you’ve done partner dancing before, you’ll know that leading is tricky. There is a real and substantial difference between “leading” and its common counterfeit, “domination”.
When one leads, one does it with strength, but also with gentleness. It is done with confidence, but not as subjugation. It requires the man to make decisions, to communicate his intentions clearly and then to invite the lady to join him. Now ladies, don’t these sound like qualities that you’d like to find in all men?
Reason #5: Confidence
Once you learn how to lead a lady on the dance floor and feel comfortable within your own skin, moving your body to music, your self-confidence will grow, both on and off the dance floor.
Reason #6: Dancing will increase your enjoyment of music
Learning to dance will help you appreciate the music associated with the dance style which you are learning. For example, my love of Latin music grew significantly when I started dancing salsa, and the same was true when I started Swing and Ballroom.
Reason #7: You learn a lot about a lady by the way she dances
When you get pretty comfortable with dancing, you will most likely notice that you start to pick up on your partner’s cues while on the dance floor. Through this increased sensitivity, you begin to learn something about your partner’s personality simply from the way she dances.
For example, is she comfortable with being led or does she fight it? Is she relaxed around you? Does she trust you? Is she playful or reserved? How does she respond when you make a mistake? After a few dances, you’ll quickly start to discover the answers to these questions.
Reason #8: You’ll become part of a community
I’ve moved around between countries, but everywhere I’ve visited I’ve had a ready-made community thanks to dance. In whatever city I’ve been in, there has always been some kind of dance group, giving me a place to go and have fun, as well as somewhere to make new friends. Although some groups can be rather inward-looking and cliquey, the vast majority have been incredibly welcoming.
Reason #9. It’s fun!
Dancing is fun! This reason is hopefully evident from watching other people dance! For example, just try and watch this couple dance and not have a smile on your face…
Reason #10: Improve your fitness
Dancing is really good cardio exercise and far more fun than getting on a treadmill at the gym!
Not only that, your enjoyment (Reason #9) will keep pushing you to continue dancing even when you’re tired. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been out dancing and have been drawn back onto the dance floor by a song I love, thinking to myself “Well, maybe just one more dance…”
Reason #11. The ladies 🙂
Okay…I’ve saved the most persuasive reason until last…
At the beginning of this post I spoke about the difference in enthusiasm I’ve seen between guys and girls when starting dance lessons. When I teach teenagers, I typically separate the guys and the girls and then speak for a couple of minutes before we get going.
I ask the girls “Who here likes going out dancing?”. Lots of hands go up. “Excellent!” I say, “So you’ve clearly got motivation to learn how to dance!”. They nod. I then turn to the guys and say “You see all these hands in the air? There are lots of reasons why you should learn to dance, but if you have no other reason, allow me to suggest that here is your motivation!”. This always gets a laugh and lots of giggling.
I said in Reason #1 that you will be at lots of events in your life where there will be dancing. It is a simple truth that ladies typically love to dance. Therefore, if you would like to meet and impress ladies at these different events, then being able to dance is a must.
What if you already have a special lady in your life? I’m afraid to say that I have been to countless weddings where the boyfriends and husbands have been huddled around a table while all the wives and girlfriends have been out on the floor, dancing with other guys who have been brave enough to get out there. Do you really want some other guy dancing with your wife or girlfriend? Wouldn’t she far prefer to dance with you? I have taught quite a few married couples to dance, and my favourite point in the process is where the wife starts to beam with happiness as she feels her husband begin to lead her with confidence. It’s really adorable.
Finally, I should probably also point out that when I’ve gone out dancing, there is almost always a shortage of guys. This means that the gentlemen become a precious commodity! Even if the guys aren’t very talented, there is still a line of girls wanting to be asked to dance!
So c’mon guys, this isn’t a hard decision…
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Aah, this makes me want to dance!! I haven’t been able to do much lately. As you point out, there are many great benefits. Mostly I do Latin dancing, but I’d like to learn more.
Hey Caitriona, welcome to Restless Pilgrim 🙂
For the last couple of years I’ve only got out dancing sporadically and every time, without fail, at the end of the night I always ask myself “Why don’t I do this more often?!”.
After I had done quite a lot of Salsa, I branched out into other dance styles by learning some Latin Ballroom. I’d also recommend learning West Coast Swing. The different footwork kinda made my head explode but it’s such a flexible dance in terms of music 🙂
Swing is on my list of things to learn! I would like to learn ballroom too… New item on my to do list – look for classes here in Tampa! 🙂 Part of the challenge for me is finding people to practice with. But, as you say, dancing does build community. By the way, reason #10 to dance (for me) is that it is a very strong analogy for the spiritual life!! Yes, I think far too much, which leads me to reason #11 – in dancing it’s about feeling the music, not thinking about it, and just having fun with it all, even amidst all the missteps! Good stuff!
I’d like to do a post at some point in the future about the relationship between Theology Of The Body and ballroom dancing at some point in the future 🙂
I will affirm all of these. Before Tim learned how to dance I was not interested in him .Once we started going swing dancing with friends and took an american social dance class he gained confidence and became more of a leader. During our dance class I asked him to be my Tango partner for a performance and it was throughout that semester that my interest in him grew and now we are married with a baby on the way! He also talks about how that class really improved his self confidence and skills with the ladies!
Dance, like tea, fixes everything 🙂
Love it!
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Nothing creates stress or induces anxiety more than a dance floor and my wife’s desire to dance. I cannot imagine why people enjoy it. Some days I wish I did but in the end it is simply inconceivable to me.
In my own experience, the anxiety comes because people are afraid to look foolish and they’re afraid to look foolish because they don’t know what to do.
Honestly, most people don’t care about your dancing and most people are boring dancers anyway.
Having said that, the way to solve the problem is to take some dance lessons. That way you walk onto the dance floor knowing what you’re going to do and are therefore relaxed.
Nearest classes are 3 hour drive, dance lessons are not viable. I’ve promised to arrange a weekend trip but that depends on time and money.
You are correct about looking foolish. I know I do and the harshest critic long ago migrated into my head.
Dance is not fun.
Dance leaves me feeling incompetent.
Also, I’ve taught quite a few couples how to dance, and the look the wife gives to her husband when he starts to really lead her in a dance…priceless.
If you don’t mind me asking, what is it about dancing that makes you anxious, do you think?
I ask as someone who always struggled with anxiety, and has taken dance classes off and on over the years. In a way, though, my anxiety was for me part of the reason to do it… course, maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment, haha!
Very good question which is difficult to answer. I grew up on an isolated farm with limited social connections. I believe my first experience with dance was 6th grade PE class, it is not a fond memory. Having no previous experience I had no idea what to do or when to do it. I hated feeling lost, confused, and judged.
Also I’m not musical, at all. Most music is boring or a annoying to me. So getting cues from the music is difficult. In the end it is simply too stressful to be fun.
I know people enjoy dance and music but I don’t grok it.