Discernment Frustrations
At the end of last week I scribbled a very short post about my recent discernment efforts. Today I’d like to say something about my discernment frustrations…
Definitely older, maybe even a bit wiser…
As I mentioned in my earlier post, the discernment in my mid-twenties wasn’t a particularly pleasant experience. I tied myself in knots and got extremely frustrated.
This time I approached things a little differently. I had a rough plan of attack, a shortlist of people with whom I wanted to speak and an approximate timeframe. In rare moment of decisiveness, I even managed to bypass my usual extended period of procrastination and got on with the task in hand…
Typical Extraordinary Holiness
During this process of discernment, my main question has been this: what is the difference between the universal call to holiness and the call to priestly or monastic life? Every single baptized Christian is called to holiness, but only some are called to exercise Christ’s priesthood through Holy Orders. What is the differentiating factor?
Here’s my issue… I’ve found that what most discernment literature says about a man called to be a priest could equally be said of a man called to another vocation. They often outline “clues” to look for, which suggest that the reader is called to priestly life. However, I would suggest that many of these could also easily suggest that he is called to be a devoted, loving and holy husband!
Are you drawn to a life of prayer?
Do you wish to imitate Christ in self-sacrifice?
Do you desire chastity and purity?
Do you have a great desire for people to grow in the knowledge of their faith?
Do you have a love of the poor?
Surely these are all things to which every Catholic should be drawn, regardless of vocation?
Hobby Religion
In the past, it has not been uncommon for me to have been chatting about some aspect of my faith with a friend and for that person to have asked me whether I was considering priesthood. Now, I know these friends are well-meaning. I understand their good intent, but seriously, what did I say that gave the impression that I’m considering the priesthood? All I was doing was expressing some aspect of my love for God…
Now, obviously we desire clergy and religious who are zealous for God. However, I think I’m naturally resistant to this kind of thinking since it seems to imply that passion necessarily equates to ordained ministry. It seems to suggest that those who are dedicated to their faith become clergy and everyone else sits back and leaves the courageous virtue and the spiritual heavy-lifting to those “professionals”.
I think that’s enough of a rant for today. If you have any thoughts, insights, rebukes or questions, please leave them in the Comment Box below… 🙂
David as I see it here is the crux of your question: ” [M]y main question has been this: what is the difference between the universal call to holiness and the call to priestly or monastic life?”
My take is the following: “the universal call to holiness” is a broadcast message for everyone to avoid sin and love god and fellow man.
Whereas the call to priestly or monastic life is a special communique to particular individuals.
Those who heed the first are able to hear the second, if indeed they are receiving it.
Those who do NOT heed the first, will not hear the second.
I hope this helps. Peace, TM
Agreed, but this begs the question: what is the distinct, recognizable difference between the special communique and the broadcast message?
More thoughts on that tomorrow… 🙂
Sooo….if you think that during this Discernment Time, with a plan of action, you won’t get frustrated and tied in knots?
Sorry to tell you my friend, these frustrations and knot tying are not just a 20’s thing. It’s a 30’s and 40’s and I have a friend who is in her 60’s who would say it still goes on.
My advise….
Keep praying, get a Spiritual Director if you don’t have one and be prepared to get frustrated and tied into knots the whole entire time. 😛
If people ask you, “Are you still discerning?” just say “I’m discerning until the moment I make Final Vows, whether that’s in Marriage or Religious Life.” Hopefully they’ll leave you alone for a little bit. 😉
Actually, it’s been infinitely less frustrating this time around. There are things with which I’ve wrestled, of course, but it’s nowhere near as infuriating as it was the previous time.
…and I just hand out withering looks until people go away… 😉
Hi David,
I was wondering if you have received more clarity on this question of what is the differing factor that truly distinguishes if one is called to religious life/ priesthood or marriage? (as we are all called to holiness)
Hey Anonymous,
I’m afraid I don’t really have a neat answer to that one, but I think I’ve reached the conclusion that you can’t really discern your vocation just my looking at your “holiness levels”.
Instead, I think the question to focus upon is “To where am I being called?” How is God calling you to live your life sacrificially? That’s also the far more important question to ask – everything else (celibacy etc.) is just details.
Thanks,
David.
I’d say there are a few distinctions: feeling the need to give yourself wholly to God for example, in an exclusive way (which calls for celibacy) while still feeling a strong desire to father souls that will be children of God, I think are more like landmarks of people called to priesthood. The capacity of sexual abstinence is a no brainer but to also have the capacity to obey even when you don’t agree, and let other people decide what you’re going to do with your life (like go to China undercover next week, where your faith is forbidden and you may end up martyr or tortured to madness. Yeah you were in a critical point of the job you were doing and all will turn to dust if you leave next week, but you must obey). You should feel attracted to religious life, or maybe be constantly making up excuses internally why not (answering an unconscious call inside). You may also ask God, and feel peace when you ask if He wants priesthood from you but not if you ask Him if he wants you to be married. Just some ideas.
As I have read, you may feel some kind of tug when you see a priest, like to be there, in their shoes. You may go through hardship trying to discern your vocation, as if the world fought against your discernment. In critical moments many temptations may come to you and how you react to them leads you to a deeper self knowledge and you see your weaknesses, strengths, tendencies and the way God helps you, and you may instinctively fit it mentally in a kind of vocation and state of life. After all your gifts are to be used in your vocation, or see that you are better fit for this or that you can’t stand that and relate those facts to specific vocations. You may feel attracted to both priesthood and married life and fatherhood at the same time. You may feel a tug towards a certain community as if you fit even if you don’t think you’d like it. You don’t have the wrong reasons to want to be a priest or religious (prestige, wish for security, fear of being alone, wish for power or wealth, want to change the doctrine) and ou don’t have any impediments (aren’t gay, don’t have anybody that depends on your support like children or sick parents, are mentally and physically able enough, etc). Any serious impediment is a telltale sign it is not your calling, but there’s no telltale sign that you have been called. You can have moral certainty.
Hey Jatna, welcome to Restless Pilgrim 🙂
I like your use of “telltale signs”. I think it’s a good phrase to use when talking about discernment 🙂
I wrote this post quite a while ago when I was feeling rather frustrated about the discernment process. I feel much more peaceful about it these days, with a few images of discernment which give me a lot of comfort.