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Yesterday we had a Men’s Breakfast to launch a new Men’s Ministry in San Diego. After we had eaten, I gave a short talk. Some of what I shared was quite personal, so I’m not going to put up the entire talk, but here’s a slightly edited version…<\/p>\n
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Okay, perhaps that’s a little bit too<\/em> edited…let me try again…<\/p>\n “What I would like to do in this time is share with you (1) a little bit of my life journey and (2) talk about how men\u2019s ministries have played an important part in my life and finally (3) I\u2019d like to say a little bit about my hope for the future for this<\/span> men\u2019s group.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n I guess it comes as no real surprise that boys are hugely influenced by their fathers. Fathers contribute greatly to a boy’s <\/em>personal identity. A boy\u2019s understanding of his own masculinity and what it even means to be a man is formed primarily by his father. <\/em>Therefore, when a boy is deprived of a father figure, either through death, divorce or even just emotional unavailability, it\u2019s no surprise that in later life he will be at higher risk to crime, drug and alcohol abuse and other psychological issues…<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n As I entered my late teens, there were the lessons that the world appeared to be trying to teach me. It said that, to be a man\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n It said that manhood\u2026<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n As I entered my early twenties, I was really bugged by some important questions:<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n “Who am I? What am I called to be? What does it mean to be a man?”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n At about this time, I had an experience which I think we\u2019ve all had at some point. I was at a supermarket and a little girl was wandering aimlessly about the aisle. She got in the way of my shopping cart and, when the mother saw this, she grabbed her daughter\u2019s hand and said \u201cDarling, get out of that man\u2019s way\u201d. I, of course, looked around to see where this \u201cman\u201d was, only to discover that she was referring to me! Interesting! So\u2026some people now thought of me as a \u201cman\u201d\u2026but was it true?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n In other cultures and in days past, this question was more clearly answered. A boy knew when he had transitioned from boyhood to manhood \u2013 there were rites of initiation which marked the transition. I mean, ask yourself, when did you first consider yourself to be a man?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n When I\u2019ve asked this question of other men their answers have varied, but very often their answers usually referenced their father in some way:<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Much of what I had learnt from what the world had been trying to teach me I rejected, but this left a void. I knew what counterfeit masculinity looked like, but what did the real McCoy, what did the authentic masculinity look like? In the Bible my namesake, King David, was described as \u201ca man after God\u2019s own heart\u201d. But what did this look like?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Unfortunately, when I turned to the Church, I didn\u2019t get much help! After twenty years of going to Mass, what was the sum total of my understanding of authentic masculinity? What had I picked up? What was my conclusion concerning the aspiration and goal of every Christian man? It was to be\u2026(brace yourself)\u2026\u201ca nice guy\u201d. A nice guy! Sign me up!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n It was fortunate that, around this time, I joined a church which had a thriving Men\u2019s Ministry. There were men\u2019s breakfasts, much like this one. There were men\u2019s retreats. We hung out together, we got together to watch the world cup\u2026<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Also, at this time I was also part of a small group. There were about twelve of us, both men and women, and we got together each week for Bible study. Towards the end of each meeting the men and women would separate. The ladies would remain in the living room and the men would go into the kitchen to talk and pray.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Through all these ministries I got to meet some truly great men of God. Men who loved the Lord and wanted to live a life serving Him. I met men who honoured and cherished their wives. Men who did everything within their power to lead by example, to form their children\u2019s character and prepare them for greatness. It was clear to me that the greatest aspiration of these men was not simply be a \u201cnice guy\u201d. Don\u2019t get me wrong, they were true gentlemen, but you would not simply describe them as \u201cnice\u201d. These men were heroic and courageous.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n And if we think about the epic movies that we love, we find a consistent theme among the leading men. Consider movies such as \u201cGladiator\u201d or \u201cBraveheart\u201d. Maximus and William Wallace are warriors. They are passionate and honourable men. They are great leaders, people naturally want to follow them (Seriously, who\u2019d want to follow someone whose greatest achievement was being known as a \u201cnice guy\u201d?!). These men have a very clear distinction between right and wrong, they protect the weak, they fight for what they believe in and are willing to sacrifice themselves to save others.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n These days, when I look at the Bible\u2019s description of God I find Someone who is also a warrior. He is passionate and honourable. He is a leader. He has a great sense of justice, He wishes to protect the weak, to fight evil. He too was willing to sacrifice Himself to save others\u2026<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n If I am made in the image and likeness of God, then this is part of my identity too…<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Through those Men’s Ministries I saw that God was calling me to be so much more than just simply \u201ca nice guy\u201d. The world is in desperate need of men, real men. Men who know how to love, to sacrifice, to serve and who are willing to stand up and fight for what is right.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Last year, a group of about twenty of us got together and hosted an event which we called \u201cDaughters of the King\u201d. It was a gala evening honouring the women in our community here of San Diego. We had about sixty-five ladies attend: friends, girlfriends, wives, mothers and grandmothers. We decorated a church hall, bought food, prepared a three-course meal and served it to those in attendance. Those of you who were involved will know what a powerful experience this was, both for the ladies who attended (when was the last time they were treated so well?!) and for the men also who served. (And if you\u2019re interested, we will be doing another event like this in February)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n But this should not be the exception. This should be the rule. The world needs more courageous men.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n A little earlier when I was talking about my experience of different men\u2019s groups and I was talking about the great guys I met, you might have got the impression that everything in these men\u2019s lives was perfect. It wasn\u2019t. People struggled. There were dating problems, marriages were often under a lot of strain. Children were having problems at school. Difficult financial decisions needed to be made. However, a man in that community did not have to do it alone. He had his brothers alongside him, praying for him and with him, encouraging him and cheering him on.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n And this is my vision for this ministry: that through meeting together we would begin to discover what kind of men God is calling us to be, that we would hold one another accountable and that we would encourage one another in this journey. It is my hope that, like Abraham, we would each be called a \u201cFriend of God\u201d and, like King David, we would each be called a \u201cman after God\u2019s own heart\u201d.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\nDevoid of Dads<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
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Important Questions<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
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Church Masculinity<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
\nModel Masculinity<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
\nMovie Masculinity<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
More than just nice guys<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
Vision for this ministry<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n
![Swanson Pyramid of Greatness<\/a>, but I managed to resist… \ud83d\ude09 Afterwards we broke up into groups to discuss the following questions:<\/p>\n\nWho were your male role models growing up?<\/li>\nWhen did you first feel like you were a man?<\/li>\nWhat has been your perception of Christian masculinity?<\/li>\nWho is your favourite movie hero?<\/li>\nWhat is your vision for this ministry? How do you see this happening?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Yesterday we had a Men’s Breakfast to launch a new Men’s Ministry in San Diego. After we had eaten, I gave a short talk. Some of what I shared was quite personal, so I’m not going to put up the entire talk, but here’s a slightly edited version…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-faith"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7895","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7895"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7895\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69274,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7895\/revisions\/69274"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}](\"http:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/ron-swanson.jpg\"){kind=link}