Occam’s Razor<\/a> states, broadly speaking, that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. So, if a gentleman doesn’t ask out a lady, the simplest explanation is that he’s not sufficiently motivated to do so.\u00a0It’s tough, I know, but it’s a legitimate explanation.<\/p>\nOn the whole, when someone wants something, he seeks it out. If he doesn’t, then the chances are that he doesn’t really want it enough. So, in general, if a guy really wants to ask a girl out, he will. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.<\/p>\n
Friendship to Romance?<\/h2>\n
Why am I saying this and running the risk of offending my female readers?<\/p>\n
I’m bringing this up because in the past when I’ve heard the fairer sex complain about a guy’s lack of romantic advances, I’ve sometimes felt that they were willing to accept any explanation other than the simplest answer.\u00a0These lamentations have sometimes turned into complicated defenses for a guy’s apparent lack of romantic attention. Could it just be that he didn’t want to be more than a platonic friend?<\/p>\n
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\nA guy and a girl can get on well as friends but the chemistry might simply be insufficient to motivate the guy to elevate the relationship to a romantic level. In my own life, I’ve had female friends whom I thought were kind, intelligent, funny, beautiful inside and out….yet that hasn’t meant that I’ve automatically<\/em> wanted to move things to a romantic level.\u00a0I can think of some whom I’ve really\u00a0wanted<\/em>\u00a0to like in a romantic sense, but after spending some good time together, realized\u00a0that I was just trying to manufacture feelings that, unfortunately, just weren’t there \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\nThis only becomes a problem if the gentleman’s intentions are not effectively communicated to the lady…<\/p>\n
Chaste but not chasing?<\/h2>\n
I would suggest that problems of this sort are exacerbated in a Christian context because of the prized virtues of charity and chastity. Christians are called to love authentically and purely. This stands in stark contrast to secular society. Jesus calls us to serve and seek the good of others rather than to grasp and be consumed by self-interest. The trouble with loving in this way is that it can look an awful lot like romantic advances…<\/p>\n
This misapprehension has got me into a lot of trouble in the past. For example, I remember one time when a female friend had been ill with the flu, so I stopped by with some supplies. These actions were misinterpreted as romantic advances, resulting in a rather awkward conversation a week or two later. A good number of my male friends have run into similar kinds of situations.\u00a0As a consequence of such experiences, I’m now more careful with things like this (or at least I try to be), although it’s frustrating to have to be so guarded all the time.<\/p>\n
Giving too much away<\/h2>\n
There are a couple more dynamics that I’d like to mention before closing…<\/p>\n
We talk a lot about physical purity, but not so much about emotional chastity. As I mentioned above, oftentimes a guy can be completely unaware that one of his female friends has romantic aspirations towards him. Unfortunately, however, sometimes he does<\/em>\u00a0know, but he doesn’t handle it appropriately. Sometimes he’ll just keep her dangling, simply because he enjoys the attention. I’m ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of this.<\/p>\nOther times, a guy will “emotionally espouse”<\/em><\/span> himself to a girl. He does this so that he can get from her\u00a0all the emotional intimacy and support that he would from a girlfriend, but without the hassle of actually having to date her. I’ve heard this referred to before as “The Friendgirl”<\/em>.<\/p>\nWhat’s to be done? Ladies…<\/h2>\n
I would invite the lady to consider the possibility<\/em>\u00a0that the reason why that nice Catholic boy hasn’t asked her out is because he doesn’t desire a romantic relationship with her. This isn’t a criticism of her, it may simply be that he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for her. Alternatively, he might just be too dumb to realize how great she is! She shouldn’t be too quick to look for excuses for a guy if he has failed to ask her out.<\/p>\nAdditionally, I think it would be unwise to assume automatically\u00a0that kindness shown towards her by a guy automatically means he is romantically interested. He may simply be trying to be a good friend and a good brother in\u00a0Christ.<\/p>\n
Lastly, I would suggest that she should be on her guard against allowing herself to become\u00a0“The Friendgirl”<\/em> I describe above. Quite frankly, she deserves better.<\/p>\nWhat’s to be done? Gentlemen…<\/h2>\n
With regards to the gentleman, I think\u00a0the first issue here is prudence. Be careful. Consider how your actions may be interpreted. In my example above, had I brought some mutual friends with me to drop off the goodies for my sick friend, we most likely would not have had that awkward misunderstanding.<\/p>\n
The next major issue, a regular in this series, is communication. Now, personally I hate awkward conversations about feelings (yuck!), but sometimes they just have to be had. Having been on both sides of such unpleasant conversations in the past, I can at least say that it’s always been a great relief afterwards to have cleared the air.<\/p>\n
Finally, guys, please consider whether or not you have turned any of your female friends into Friendgirls<\/em>. If you have, you must stop. Don’t be selfish, you’re hindering her from finding the man who will treat her as she deserves.<\/p>\n
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Since beginning this series a couple of weeks ago, I have received a lot of positive feedback. This has come almost exclusively from the ladies. Well, let’s see how long that lasts… \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n