{"id":47423,"date":"2014-10-09T14:09:34","date_gmt":"2014-10-09T21:09:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/?p=47423"},"modified":"2015-01-12T17:47:12","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T00:47:12","slug":"bringing-out-the-best-in-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/09\/bringing-out-the-best-in-men\/","title":{"rendered":"Bringing out the best in men"},"content":{"rendered":"

Now, to be honest, I’m not much of a Vanity Fair<\/em>\u00a0magazine reader. I guess I’m not really part of their core demographic. After all, it’s not like their articles regularly reference Star Wars, martial arts, Catholic theology or computer programming languages. As such, typical\u00a0Vanity<\/em>\u00a0Fair\u00a0<\/em>content is not\u00a0really my thing.<\/p>\n

However, the\u00a0November\u00a0issue<\/a> of Vanity Fair\u00a0<\/em>features something that attracted my\u00a0interest, an interview with Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>, the star of the popular “Hunger Games” movies.<\/p>\n

\"Katniss_peeta_train\"<\/p>\n

As you may know, about a month ago Miss Lawrence’s iCloud account was hacked and nude photos found there\u00a0were released onto the internet. In the Vanity Fair<\/em> interview she spoke\u00a0about this invasion of privacy and the trauma she experienced as a result. In the part\u00a0where she spoke about the photos, she made a\u00a0comment which I found no less revealing than the pictures\u00a0themselves. Here’s what she said:<\/p>\n

“I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he\u2019s going to look at you<\/span>.”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I’m afraid to say that the sentiment expressed here is one which may well\u00a0be felt\u00a0by other\u00a0women, which makes me very sad.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Asking the impossible?<\/h2>\n

Miss Lawrence’s comment is tragic. I mean, are these\u00a0really<\/strong> the only two options?<\/p>\n

1. Your boyfriend will look at\u00a0naked pictures of you<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Your boyfriend will look at naked pictures of other women<\/strong><\/p>\n

Really?! Should the bar really be set that low? Is such little value to be placed on self-control and respect? Didn’t she say that\u00a0the relationship was “loving [and] healthy”<\/em><\/span>? Was the love of this guy\u00a0so healthy that it was either her or porn? Honestly, if he can’t do without naked pictures of her, I rather doubt he’d put up much of a fight when it comes to looking at naked pictures of other women as well.<\/p>\n

Another option<\/h2>\n

Is the\u00a0choice really either\u00a0for\u00a0other women <\/strong>to be objectified or for\u00a0her<\/strong>\u00a0to be objectified? Is there really no third\u00a0option?! Just off the top of my head, how about…<\/p>\n

3. Don’t\u00a0look at any<\/strong> naked pictures<\/p>\n

Crazy idea, right? When subjects like this come up in discussion, I’m often told that the Catholic standard in areas like this is\u00a0unrealistic<\/em>, if not outright\u00a0impossible<\/em>. If the standard is impossible, what’s the point in even trying?<\/p>\n

In those conversations I\u00a0feel like I’m speaking with Vizzini, the character from The Princess Bride<\/a>.\u00a0Not having sex until you’re married? “Inconceivable!”<\/em> No naked pictures of your girlfriend? “Inconceivable!”<\/em><\/p>\n

\"The-princess-bride-inconceivable\"<\/p>\n

Contrary to popular belief, such things are<\/em> possible with authentic love<\/a>. The third option I gave above is not only possible<\/strong>, it’s what should be expected<\/strong>.\u00a0Put simply, I don’t think any girl should date a guy who can’t live without naked pictures of her. If he really can’t live without them\u00a0then I’d say he’s really\u00a0not much of a man. Women deserve better.<\/p>\n

Refusing to settle<\/h2>\n

If a woman is seeing\u00a0someone who doesn’t treat her\u00a0in the way she\u00a0deserves, she\u00a0shouldn’t settle. If a woman is dating a\u00a0guy who\u00a0doesn’t place her happiness\u00a0ahead of his own,\u00a0why should she expect anything to change further down the line<\/strong>? She should save herself\u00a0a lot of heartache and call it a day.\u00a0She\u00a0can either hurt now or hurt later and, believe me, it’s a universal truth that the pain later is always worse.<\/p>\n

There are, in fact, guys out there who treat women with the respect they deserve. This is why it’s so sad to hear female friends speak about what they would\u00a0desire\u00a0in their relationships, but then have to check these expectations in order to be “realistic”<\/em>. After all, “You can’t really expect that from the average guy”<\/em><\/span>. This does, of course, beg the question as to why you’d ever want to date someone whom you’d call “average”<\/em><\/span>…<\/p>\n

Of course, there is the fear that having high standards will mean being alone…for ever. Having high standards will reduce the number of dates you accept, sure, but it’ll save you a lot of wasted time and heartache. You shouldn’t have to kiss frogs in the hope that they’ll become princes. Quite frankly, it’s better, a lot better, to be unattached\u00a0than to settle for someone whom you can’t admire and who doesn’t respect you or\u00a0treat you well.<\/p>\n

Inspiring the good to become great<\/h2>\n

While we’re talking about setting standards, there is an important truth which I suggest\u00a0all female readers should\u00a0take to heart. Ladies, you have a tremendous ability to help form the character of all the men in your life<\/strong>. This is true for husbands, boyfriends, brothers, fathers, sons and platonic\u00a0friends. As Archbishop Fulton Sheen said:<\/p>\n

\"Sheen\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Guys\u00a0will typically rise<\/strong> to the standard of behaviour which is expected of them. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. They\u00a0will often also\u00a0sink<\/strong> to the level of behaviour that they can get away with. This isn’t about manipulation, power struggles, outrageous demands or\u00a0one-upmanship. It is about\u00a0encouragement. A woman has\u00a0the capacity to inspire a man to\u00a0become the very best version of himself. Now, this doesn’t mean that he’ll\u00a0never fall short. After all, a\u00a0man is\u00a0as capable of\u00a0failure as a woman. However, a woman’s inspiration\u00a0can raise a good<\/strong> man to true greatness<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Dear Miss Lawrence<\/h2>\n

As I’m sure Miss Lawrence reads my blog intently every day, I would like to end with a suggestion. Jennifer, please believe that men can rise to a higher standard. You shouldn’t have to date someone who is incapable of functioning without easy\u00a0access to porn and you don’t have to go out with someone who will\u00a0treat\u00a0you and other women as objects.<\/p>\n

Finally,\u00a0if you’re having difficulty finding decent\u00a0guys, several of my good friends have said that they would be honoured\u00a0to take you out to dinner and a movie of your choice. Call me, I can make this happen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now, to be honest, I’m not much of a Vanity Fair\u00a0magazine reader. I guess I’m not really part of their core demographic. After all, it’s not like their articles regularly reference Star Wars, martial arts, Catholic theology or computer programming languages. As such, typical\u00a0Vanity\u00a0Fair\u00a0content is not\u00a0really my thing. However, the\u00a0November\u00a0issue of Vanity Fair\u00a0features something that attracted my\u00a0interest, an interview with<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":53377,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[410,2969,2864,1699,816,2865],"class_list":["post-47423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","tag-chastity","tag-featured","tag-jennifer-lawrence","tag-modesty","tag-porn","tag-vanity-fair"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/FeaturedJennifer.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47423"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47423\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":53038,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47423\/revisions\/53038"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/restlesspilgrim.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}