Restless Heart: Episode 4 (“Is there life before marriage?”)

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This past week, I gave at talk to the Goretti Group entitled “Is there life before marriage?” In today’s episode, Nessa and talk about some of the issues I raised in that talk. Do some people derive their self-worth from their Facebook “Relationship Status”? What are some common misunderstandings concerning marriage? We then look at the subject friendships, the first area which I suggest deserves careful investment during your single years.

Episode 4: Is there life before marriage? (Download)

If you would like to listen to my original talk I gave to the Goretti Group, it is available here. The Bible passage I quote at the end of the episode is this section from Sirach:

Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.
When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him.
For one sort is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.
A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.
A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;
For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.

– Sirach 6:6-17

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Goretti Talk: Is there life before marriage?

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Bridget

Last night I gave a talk for The Goretti Group. This was a variation on a talk I gave at the Southern Kansas Young Adult Conference.

Is there life before marriage? (Download)

I’ve written a couple of articles for the Goretti Group in the past which you might like to read: Dear Miss Lawrence and “I waited until my wedding night to lose my virginity and I wish I hadn’t”.

Restless Heart: Episode 2 (“Non-Catholic Dating”)

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Welcome to Episode 2! In today’s show we tackle the tricky and sensitive subject of non-Catholic dating, the situation where a Catholic is considering dating someone who is not in full communion with the Catholic

Episode 2: Non-Catholic Dating (Download)

For those of you who would like to dig deeper into this topic, you can find a two-part series I wrote earlier on the subject.

If you have iTunes installed, you can click here to launch iTunes and subscribe. Alternatively, you should be able to find us in the podcast section of the iTunes Store and Google Play. If you need to setup your podcast feed manually, our feed may be found here.

If you have any feedback or would like to pose a question for an upcoming episode, you can always tweet us at @davidandnessa.

Is there life before marriage? (MP3)

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BJD

So this past weekend I was at the Southern Kansas Young Adult Conference (SKYAC). I gave a few talks on the retreat, which I’ll post here over the next couple of days.

The afternoon opened up with a talk on relationships from the magnificently-bearded Dave DiNuzzo (“Relationship Martyrdom vs Relationship Suicide”).

Following Dave’s presentation, the married couples on the retreat had their own breakout talk, but all those without wedding rings on their fingers were sent to another room to listen to…me! In my talk, I tried to answer the all-important question…is there life before marriage?

“Is there life before marriage?” (Download)

Friday Frivolity: Christian Mingle Inspector

A lot of my friends have complained about their experiences on Christian/Catholic dating websites. Well, it turns out that John Crist has the solution…

Catholic Dating: Should I date a non-Catholic? (Part 2)

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Today is the concluding part of yesterday’s article, “Should I date a non-Catholic?”. In the previous post, I explained that this is a question I’ve heard often in Catholic circles and I shared a little bit about my own experience of dating non-Catholics. We spoke about the reason for dating and concluded that its purpose is ultimately marriage. Therefore, when we speak about dating a non-Catholic, we should really talk about marrying a non-Catholic, since this is ultimately the point of dating someone.

We ended the previous post by looking at what the Catechism has to say on the subject of marriages to non-Catholics. We read that the Catholic Church does allow marriages to non-Catholics, but cautions Her children not to underestimate the difficulties involved in this kind of union. In today’s concluding post, I would like to discuss in more detail the potential areas of difficulty alluded to by the Catechism and then offer some concluding thoughts.

Practical Considerations

Since this two-part series focuses primarily on dating a Protestant, it is good to emphasize how much we share with our Protestant brethren. A couple composed of a Catholic and Protestant will have much in common, as did I with my former girlfriend whom I mentioned in yesterday’s post.

Having said that, when discussing this subject with friends, I find it helpful to ask questions about three areas of potential conflict:

1. The Wedding
Who will marry you? Will it be a Catholic priest or will it be another kind of minister? Will you get married in a Catholic Church or will you seek dispensation to marry in some other denomination’s building? How will your respective families react to this?

Who will teach your marriage preparation classes? What will be the content of that formation? Not all views of marriage are the same. For example, the Catholic Church’s teaching is that marriage is indissoluble. Will this be taught during your class?

2. Religious Practice
Where, as a couple, will you go to church? Catholics are required to attend Mass each week. In an effort to accommodate this, will you go to a Catholic parish together?

Or, will you attempt to go to both a Catholic Mass and a Protestant service each week? I speak from experience when I say that this can quickly become exhausting!

Or, will you fulfill your obligation by going to the Saturday Vigil Mass alone? Are you okay with that?

Is the subject of religion taboo with your potential spouse? Is it a regular source of conflict? Are you supportive of one another’s religious practices? Are you leading each other towards holiness?

When spiritual issues arise, to whom will you turn as a couple?

3. Children and family life
Will your potential spouse be open to life, or will he want to contracept? If it is suspected that your unborn child has Down Syndrome, for example, will he urge you to abort the child?

When seeking permission to marry a non-Catholic, you and your fiancé will be told that you are required by the Church to make sure that any offspring from the marriage are to be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church. Will you and your spouse do this? Or will your children be dedicated, rather than baptized? Will you teach them the Catholic Faith in its fullness, or will they be taught the lowest common denominator between your respective faiths? How will you respond when your children ask questions about the differences between the teaching of the Catholic Church and your spouse’s denomination?

An ex-girlfriend of mine had an interesting take on the subject of children. She would ask herself if she felt confident, in the unfortunate case of her early death, whether her husband would raise her children as she would desire.

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Catholic Dating: Should I date a non-Catholic? (Part 1)

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It has been quite some time since I wrote my series on Catholic dating. Those articles were certainly among the more popular here at Restless Pilgrim. The subject matter of those posts generated considerable discussion in my local Catholic community of San Diego, which pleased me no end since this was my main goal in writing them in the first place. The fact that it was also an extremely cathartic writing experience was just an added bonus! 😉

During the intervening three years since writing that series, my own love life has been, to put it mildly, anything but dull. Despite this, I’ve never felt inclined to write further on the subject of dating. That is, until now…

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Over the past few months one particular question concerning dating has come up again and again, particularly as my thoughtful friends attempt to marry me off and enlist me in the ranks of the blissfully domesticated. The question has been “Hey David, what do you think about dating a non-Catholic?”

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