For the last couple of months, I have been helping beta test a website which is being launched by a friend of mine. Normally, I’m the one writing the code, so it was a lot of fun having an opportunity to find the bugs in someone else’s work!
Although I’ve known people to find their spouse on CatholicMatch.com, I also know of a lot of people who have found the whole online dating experience frustrating. If this is you, you might like to try CatholicChemistry…
Click on the link above and sign up with the promo code “JMJ”, you’ll get a 6-month subscription for free. If you’re not sure how to start the conversation and get a date, you might like to try some of my favourite Catholic pick-up lines. You can thank me in your wedding toast… 😉
Nessa is in charge this week! This means, of course, that we’re talking about dating. In this episode, Nessa outlines her “Dump Him” List and I offer a few of my own dating red flags as well…
* The “CIH” mentioned by Nessa at the beginning is The Children of the Immaculate Heart, an organization which serves the survivors of human trafficking.
* When we were discussing friendships, I couldn’t remember who it was who said that you’re the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time. I’ve looked it up and it turns out that it was motivational speaker John Rohn.
* We mentioned Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler during our discussion. In case you haven’t come across them before, they are characters on a show called The Big Bang Theory.
So this past weekend I was at the Southern Kansas Young Adult Conference (SKYAC). I gave a few talks on the retreat, which I’ll post here over the next couple of days.
The afternoon opened up with a talk on relationships from the magnificently-bearded Dave DiNuzzo (“Relationship Martyrdom vs Relationship Suicide”).
Following Dave’s presentation, the married couples on the retreat had their own breakout talk, but all those without wedding rings on their fingers were sent to another room to listen to…me! In my talk, I tried to answer the all-important question…is there life before marriage?
Last week I wrote two posts on the subject of dating outside of the Catholic Faith. In an effort to keep those posts focussed, I had decided to address the specific scenario of a couple composed of two Christians, a Catholic and a Protestant.
However, as I was writing, there was one issue related to dating outside of the Catholic Faith that I particularly wanted to raise, but since it didn’t naturally fall within the parameters which I had set for those articles, I decided to omit it. In today’s brief post, therefore, I would like to return to this issue.
In the previous post, I presented three main areas for potential conflict between a Catholic and a Protestant:
1. The Wedding
2. Religious Practice
3. Children and family life
In addition to these three areas, when a Catholic dates a non-Christian (as opposed to a non-Catholic), there is another area of potential conflict which is particularly worth considering:
4. Chastity
Is your potential spouse committed to chastity? Will this person do everything possible to help you remain chaste?
It is worth pointing out that potential contention over the subject of chastity is certainly not limited to the situation where a Catholic is dating a non-Christian. It is possible that conflict may arise when dating a Protestant or, as I highlighted in my previous post, even a fellow Catholic. There is no guarantee that someone who identifies as “Catholic” actually will believe or practise the entirety of the Catholic Faith.
Today is the concluding part of yesterday’s article, “Should I date a non-Catholic?”. In the previous post, I explained that this is a question I’ve heard often in Catholic circles and I shared a little bit about my own experience of dating non-Catholics. We spoke about the reason for dating and concluded that its purpose is ultimately marriage. Therefore, when we speak about dating a non-Catholic, we should really talk about marrying a non-Catholic, since this is ultimately the point of dating someone.
We ended the previous post by looking at what the Catechism has to say on the subject of marriages to non-Catholics. We read that the Catholic Church does allow marriages to non-Catholics, but cautions Her children not to underestimate the difficulties involved in this kind of union. In today’s concluding post, I would like to discuss in more detail the potential areas of difficulty alluded to by the Catechism and then offer some concluding thoughts.
Practical Considerations
Since this two-part series focuses primarily on dating a Protestant, it is good to emphasize how much we share with our Protestant brethren. A couple composed of a Catholic and Protestant will have much in common, as did I with my former girlfriend whom I mentioned in yesterday’s post.
Having said that, when discussing this subject with friends, I find it helpful to ask questions about three areas of potential conflict:
1. The Wedding
Who will marry you? Will it be a Catholic priest or will it be another kind of minister? Will you get married in a Catholic Church or will you seek dispensation to marry in some other denomination’s building? How will your respective families react to this?
Who will teach your marriage preparation classes? What will be the content of that formation? Not all views of marriage are the same. For example, the Catholic Church’s teaching is that marriage is indissoluble. Will this be taught during your class?
2. Religious Practice Where, as a couple, will you go to church? Catholics are required to attend Mass each week. In an effort to accommodate this, will you go to a Catholic parish together?
Or, will you attempt to go to both a Catholic Mass and a Protestant service each week? I speak from experience when I say that this can quickly become exhausting!
Or, will you fulfill your obligation by going to the Saturday Vigil Mass alone? Are you okay with that?
Is the subject of religion taboo with your potential spouse? Is it a regular source of conflict? Are you supportive of one another’s religious practices? Are you leading each other towards holiness?
When spiritual issues arise, to whom will you turn as a couple?
3. Children and family life Will your potential spouse be open to life, or will he want to contracept? If it is suspected that your unborn child has Down Syndrome, for example, will he urge you to abort the child?
When seeking permission to marry a non-Catholic, you and your fiancé will be told that you are required by the Church to make sure that any offspring from the marriage are to be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church. Will you and your spouse do this? Or will your children be dedicated, rather than baptized? Will you teach them the Catholic Faith in its fullness, or will they be taught the lowest common denominator between your respective faiths? How will you respond when your children ask questions about the differences between the teaching of the Catholic Church and your spouse’s denomination?
An ex-girlfriend of mine had an interesting take on the subject of children. She would ask herself if she felt confident, in the unfortunate case of her early death, whether her husband would raise her children as she would desire.
Yeah, about right… 😉
Last week I wrote two posts on the subject of dating outside of the Catholic Faith. In an effort to keep those posts focussed, I had decided to address the specific scenario of a couple composed of two Christians, a Catholic and a Protestant.